Category: God

Conspiracy Theory

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I am a conspiracy theorist.

This wonderful trait was passed down to me by my Dad.  Thanks Dad.

And this wonderful trait was enhanced after I read George Orwell’s book, 1984.  And later when I saw the movie Conspiracy Theory, with Mel Gibson and Julia Roberts.

Sometimes my conspiracy theorizing brain just goes crazy…

with assumptions. conclusions. and more than likely made up stories.

Some might call this being paranoid…  but I call it being aware of my surroundings.

Often these theories develop when my brain has idle time after I’ve seen something that triggers a conspiracy happening.

Given enough idle mind time, I could become a professional conspiracy theorist. Scary, isn’t it?

Thankfully, I don’t have much idle time, but when I do…

These are some of the conspiracy theories, assumptions and conclusions I’ve come up with while running and living life in my hood…
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When I see a white van with darkened windows and no company markings on the outside of the van, I assume there is a kidnapper in that van.

When I see someone walk up to a car, talk to the driver for a moment, hand them something and receive something in exchange, I assume it is a drug deal.

When I see the price of vegetables and fruit skyrocket at the grocery store, while McD’s dollar menu remains the same, it is because “they” want us to be unhealthy and eventually need more medical care.

When I see gas prices at an all time high, I assume the oil companies are greedy and all they care about it our money.

When I see all of the commercials for all of the different medicines available to cure one thing or another, while causing side affects that will require 5 more pills to cure the initial problem, I assume it’s because “they” are trying to over medicate us and eventually take all of our money.

When I see a kid screaming, crying and out of control, I assume the parents are push-overs.

When I see someone staring at me, I assume it is because I have toilet paper hanging out of my pants.

When we have our windows open and I smell cigarette smoke, it’s because someone is probably standing on the sidewalk trying to spy on us… 
When I think someone might be spying on us, I assume it’s because I am onto something with all of my theories.  

When I see my number of facebook friends go up and down, without me adding or deleting any “friends”, I assume it’s because… nah, never mind… that will just sound too crazy.

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Now I realize most of these silly conspiracy theories are not even close to being true. Most days these silly stories don’t even cross my mind. Most days are just normal days…

Or perhaps, not so normal.

Like when I sent my 2nd grade daughter to her elementary school yesterday and they have a lock down.

Not just a “practice” lock down.  But a real lock down.

Apparently, there was a distraught gunman reported to be seen near one of the schools in town.  For precaution, they put all of the schools within the area, on lock down. The person matching the description was not found in the area, so the lock down lifted and the day went on as “normal”.

Was the person reporting another fellow conspiracy theorist?  Perhaps.

Or perhaps there was a gunman.

Sometimes, conspiracy theories can come true.  bad things happen to good people. danger is around us.  that’s not a theory.

Everyday we pray for God’s protection to surround our entire family.  We pray for our kids everyday before they go to school.  They pray at school. We pray while they’re at school.

I asked Soleil if she was afraid at school.  She said “No”.  She told her friend Myah, “You know Who is protecting us, right?” Myah said, “Yea, I know.” and Soleil said, “God.” They were praying together during the lock down. I couldn’t be more proud.

I can concoct some pretty radical theories in my brain, but regardless of there reliability, I don’t need to fear evil or danger.  I know God is my Shepherd and He is in control (John 10:1-18).
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What are some of the craziest conspiracy theories your brain has concocted?

Addictions

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Confession…
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I have an addiction…

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to Cheez-Its.


Particularly the colby flavored Cheez-its.  last week i bought them and with a very small amount of help from the wee Babs – meaning it was mostly me eating them – i ate the entire box of colby cheez-its in less than 24 hours.  seriously.  this is a problem.  


it’s best i don’t have them in the house. at all.
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then there’s Selah… 



recently she gave up her binky. plug. pacifier. whatever you want to call it…

actually, she was forced to give it up when we lost the last one she had.  you can read more about that here.

but now she has a new addiction.  it’s called driving me crazy.  


seriously.  i’m concerned about this addiction.  it’s been exactly one month since she stopped using her plug.  she asked for her binky every day and night for over three weeks.  she finally stopped asking for it a few days ago.  still she screams and cries every night before falling asleep.  she will not fall asleep without me or P.A. at the end of her bed.  we know it’s just a phase.  it won’t last forever. she won’t ask us to hold her at night time when she’s 22 years old.  it’s just a 2 year old “season” she is in.

the first week without her plug, i expected things to be tough.  however, i did not expect that the weeks to follow would be even rougher. but they were.  

she woke up screaming one night, complaining of pain in her ear. and it finally dawned on me that she had an ear infection.  i thought, oh that’s why she’s been so crazy lately.  when i took her to the doctor, i said “please tell me she has an ear infection!”  typically i don’t get overly excited about visiting the pediatrician.  do you?  but this day was different.  i was hopefully anticipating the doctor to tell me something was wrong with my child.  it would explain so much.

or so i thought…


everyday she is still finding ways to drive me crazy in creative ways.  she is over her ear infection.  she is over the binky.  but she is not over herself.  she wants control.  she is exceptionally strong willed and extremely stubborn…  and so. stinkin’. cute.

the one night she fell asleep on her own in the last month, we found her like this. hilarious. 




i don’t get the preoccupation she had with this blasted piece of plastic.  
i also don’t understand why she insists on watching Salem poop. 

i do understand our need as human beings to try and control things.  

Selah had control.  of her binky.  and now it’s gone. 


she tries to control other things in our home.  but in the end, mom wins. 




we have our hands full.  this child is somethin’ else.  
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and all of this.  control.  addictions.  these are lessons we teach now to our almost 2.5 year old so that she is able to surrender her control issues to God as she grows up.

when i think about our wee babs becoming teen and adult babs, it freaks me out a little.  there are much more dangerous addictions they can attach to as they grow up.  as difficult as it might be, we can not control what they choose as adults.  But what we can do is teach, train, guide and pray. pray. pray.  
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i can become so pissed about other addictions.  who really cares about a stupid silly ol’ addiction to cheez-it’s or a binky piece of plastic, when there are REAL addictions and REAL people who have them, who need flippin’ FREEDOM!  We need to PRAY for one another!


it’s our will against God’s.  it’s our humanity against spirit-led living.  it’s control verses surrender.


it all comes down to surrender.  


surrendering our plugs, our addictions, large or small, to God.  


He knows best. 

Clean Your Sink

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The past few weeks, I have basically been in a bad mood.
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Seriously.  Probably 75% of the time I have been a ball of negative energy.

It’s like I’ve been P-M-S-ing. all. month. long.

Sure, I’ve had “good days”. but I have also been very negative. and this is not normal for me.

I can pinpoint some of the reasons I have been edgy. tense. frustrated. but…

I. don’t. like. feeling. this. way.
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Sure, we all have “those days” where we might feel like we are losing our minds, or want to shout out some explicative.

But the truth is, I need a new cuss word.  I’m tired of the standards.

I need to clean my mouth out with soap.  Seriously.
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My new word will be “Blast”.  

It sounds less angry, but yet can be said with enough emotion to fully express my feelings.

For those of you who read this blog and interact with me enough to hear my speak, and occasionally often drop a cuss word, please keep me accountable to say only “Blast”.  Thank you.
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I also need to clean my sink.  It is grimy.

I feel better when my sink is clean.
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I also need to give up trying to control things.
Relax.  Live in the mess for a bit.  It can be cleaned up later…

Control, or rather what I can’t control, is the root of my angry negative energy.
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I can’t control what happens in the world. accidents. mistakes. or other peoples’ anger. actions. annoyances. accolades.

I can’t control my kids.  If they freak out and throw a fit on the floor, screaming and crying and yelling. I can’t do much to quiet them down before the neighbors hear and wonder, “What’s going on at that house?”  But I can close the windows, wait for them to calm down, and spare the neighbors.

At least I can control my sink and its cleanliness…

So much of this world is out of control.
God is in control.  So why do I fret?

I have trust issues.  I am human…
and sometimes I just need a break from my own humanity… 
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As much as I would love to write only happy, positive energy blogs…
That’s just not my reality.
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I need to be honest.
This has been a hell of a month for me and my attitude.
Seriously, I wondered a few times if I was losing it.
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Yet I know, when I am in a place of “negative energy”, God is working in me. molding me. refining me.  Proverbs 3:1-8.
It comes back to trust.  
I choose to trust God.  Even if I have to surrender over. and over. and over again. 
And I might as well clean my sink while I’m working on surrendering.
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Is your sink clean?

How is your attitude?

What or Who are you trusting in these days?

It’s my birthday and I’ll cry if I want to…

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Today (or yesterday, depending on how long it takes me to write / post this blog) was my birthday…

It is / was also Cinco de Mayo… but since I am not Mexican, my birthday being shared with the day of Mexico’s unlikely victory over the French at the battle of Puebla in 1862, doesn’t have that much significance… except that we had Mexican food for dinner.  But since I love eating mexican food, making mexican food, and smelling mexican food, this is a regular, at least bi-weekly occurrence. P.A. made our amazing mexican food for my birthday dinner and I contributed with a kick-ass handmade mango pico de gallo.  Yum.  And, you can check out some of our favorite recipes here.

btw, did you know that Cinco de Mayo is not Mexico’s Independence Day?  Nope, that would be celebrated on September 16th.  Now you know.

So, on May 5th, 1977 I entered the world and it’s never been the same… well, at least for those who know me… 

If you know me, you know this is how I look 95% of the time…

well… maybe that’s an exaggeration, but if you know, me you know I like to make silly faces and I can be… dramatic.


If you know me, you know that my hubby (P.A.) is my best friend and his birthday was 6 days before mine!  And… it’s no coincidence that we celebrated at a Mexican restaurant.  Some of our awesome friends took us out for lunch, after church last Sunday to celebrate.

P.A. with his face covered in ice cream and the Kelly’s ~ our awesome friends who took us to eat to celebrate P.A.’s b-day, which was on April 29th.

                                                  Our awesome kids sporting the mexican hats!

P.A. and I prepping for our awesome pic together 🙂

If you know me, you know our wee Babs (Soleil, Salem, Selah) are super. duper. important to us.  Here they are in a little “photo shoot” from last fall.  They mean the world to us. I could go on and on about them, but if you know me, you know I will save that for another blog… 

If you know me, you know that I love to be silly and I think I am the funniest person. on. the. planet.  I boisterously laugh at myself and my own jokes, even if no one else “gets them” or thinks that they are funny.  I am thankful that most of the time, my family thinks I am as hilarious as I think I am.

If you know me, you know that friendship is important to me… 
Over the last 35 years, I have had the honor of meeting so many people from across the world.  I have had the privilege to call many of them friends… or at the very least, Facebook friends…  My life has been enriched by my amazing friends.  They are truly a gift from God.  I was blessed the other night when some of my friends took me out to dinner and coffee for my b-day.  Some of my friends live just down the road, some live on the east coast, some live on the west coast, some live in the north, some live in the south, and some live in flippin’ India.  Wherever they are, they know who they are... and I am thankful for them.
Here’s a pic of us camping with our friends the Zeuch’s – the ones that live in flippin’ India
If you know me, you know that even though it’s my birthday, I can cry if I want to.  Today I cried on my birthday.  I also cried on P.A.’s birthday.  Because even though they were great days, something was missing… our families. They are in Oklahoma and Oregon… and we miss them terribly, especially on our birthdays.
(Sorry, no pictures to show of me crying… don’t be disappointed.  I’m a sniffly, red-faced mess.) 

But truly, my hope is that even if you don’t know me… I mean really know me, like hang out with me, talk to me in person, or on the phone… you will still know that my most important relationship is with Jesus.  

My deepest hope and prayer ~ that goes against all of my human nature ~ is that I will be *known* because of Christ…which really means that I will be ~ Unknown.    

That HIS beauty will outshine my flesh.  That HIS mercy will overwhelm my insensitivity.  That HIS grace will subdue my unforgiveness.  That HIS presence will saturate my sinful soul. That HIS love will replace my anger.  That HIS glory will overcome my humanity and invade my entire life. 


And that HE will be evident in all that I do, think, say, or blog… 

How To Break A Habit

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This week as “Mom”… I was an Accountant, a Dentist, a Mood Changer and a Loser.
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I have a habit of procrastinating the things I should be doing in exchange for pretty much anything else…

So this week, guess what I was doing on Tuesday, April 17th?  That’s right, you guessed it!  I was playing accountant and finishing up our taxes.  There’s nothing like waiting ’til the last minute to keep life interesting.

So, taxes are done and the good news is – we don’t owe as much this year as we have in previous years.  All the paying ahead and keeping track of our crap has paid off. Go Me!
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Even though I have a habit of procrastinating some things, I did not procrastinate being a dentist this week.  Soleil’s loose tooth that was hanging on for dear life, finally started to show signs of letting go.  Now this tooth has had an attachment to our sweet Soleil for some time now.  It’s been lose for forever, and we were beginning to think she would never lose it.

But after school on Monday, she was eating a snack in the car and the tooth was finally ready to come out. And even though blood and saliva make my stomach church for the worst, I jumped right in at the opportunity to pull this tooth out, cause it was just barely hangin’ on by a bloody thread.

Thank God that tooth is gone.  Go Me.
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Today I was a mood changer. Sometimes, I hit a slump and become a grump.  So today, I was in the worst mood this side of Columbus and I just couldn’t. move. on.  
I woke up feeling great.  We’d had a great day on Friday.  And I had big plans for this stay-at-home-yucky-weather-Saturday.  I was gonna get a “bunch of stuff done” around the house. But it never happened.  It was just one of “those days”… and as the clock ticked onward, I felt my mood quickly. spiraling. downward.
I prayed. I read my Bible. I was hanging out with the wee Babs and trying not to worry about the “stuff” I planned to accomplish. I talked about it with P.A…. and he’s really good at understanding my “emo” side and encouraging me thru it.  But it just wouldn’t. go. away…
Until around 6p.m., P.A. sweetly strongly suggested I would feel better if I worked out.  So, I walked on the treadmill and started praying. 2 miles and 100 sit-ups later, my mood completely changed.  The negative crap swirling around in my mind just lifted off of me and the rest of the evening was much better.
The habits of prayer and exercise are good habits, that I plan to sustain for a lifetime. Go Me.
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This week I was a loser.  I lost Selah’s plug (binky) and she was immediately forced into breaking a habit she’s had for 2 years and 3 1/2 months all of her life.

I never looked up “How to wean your child off the pacifier”… or “10 Tips on taking away your toddler’s binky”.  I just lost it.  Over the past 2 years and 3 1/2 months of her life, we have lost plugs or thrown them away because she got into a habit of chewing holes in some of them.  But this was her very last plug and we kept declaring, “After she’s two we’ll take away this plug once and for all…” And we kept procrastinating taking away this plug… because that’s what we do.  Procrastinate.

The first night was rough.  She cried for nearly an hour before finally falling asleep. At one point, P.A. offered to run to Target and buy another one, but we decided to deal with the tears. She woke up a few times that night and woke up at about 5a.m. the following morning.

I don’t do well with little sleep because I {heart} sleep. So, it’s been an interesting week with less sleep and no plug.  But every night and nap time has been a little easier.  And Selah has asked me to hold her as she’s falling asleep, which I don’t mind at all.  She has also started holding her bunny that says a prayer when you push on its tummy, “Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, that angels watch me thru the night, until I wake in morning light. Amen.” After about 30 times of pushing the bunny’s tummy, she falls asleep.

Salem did find the lost plug a few days ago, mixed in with his toys.  We threw it away before Selah saw it.  But she’s a creative little chick.  She did try and and use this toy she found at a friends house last night as a replacement.  However, it didn’t really work out…

So, the taxes are done, the tooth is gone, I’m in a better mood, the plug habit is officially kicked, and I am looking forward to the new roles I will play in the new adventures I am bound to have, this week as Mom.  Go Me.
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Are there any habits you need to kick?  

My advice: Prayer. Exercise. Go Cold Turkey. Procrastination is for the Birds.