The past few weeks, I have basically been in a bad mood.
…

Seriously.  Probably 75% of the time I have been a ball of negative energy.

It’s like I’ve been P-M-S-ing. all. month. long.

Sure, I’ve had “good days”. but I have also been very negative. and this is not normal for me.

I can pinpoint some of the reasons I have been edgy. tense. frustrated. but…

I. don’t. like. feeling. this. way.
…

Sure, we all have “those days” where we might feel like we are losing our minds, or want to shout out some explicative.

But the truth is, I need a new cuss word.  I’m tired of the standards.

I need to clean my mouth out with soap.  Seriously.
…

My new word will be “Blast”.  

It sounds less angry, but yet can be said with enough emotion to fully express my feelings.

For those of you who read this blog and interact with me enough to hear my speak, and occasionally often drop a cuss word, please keep me accountable to say only “Blast”.  Thank you.
…

I also need to clean my sink.  It is grimy.

I feel better when my sink is clean.
…

I also need to give up trying to control things.
Relax.  Live in the mess for a bit.  It can be cleaned up later…

Control, or rather what I can’t control, is the root of my angry negative energy.
…

I can’t control what happens in the world. accidents. mistakes. or other peoples’ anger. actions. annoyances. accolades.

I can’t control my kids.  If they freak out and throw a fit on the floor, screaming and crying and yelling. I can’t do much to quiet them down before the neighbors hear and wonder, “What’s going on at that house?”  But I can close the windows, wait for them to calm down, and spare the neighbors.

At least I can control my sink and its cleanliness…

So much of this world is out of control.
God is in control.  So why do I fret?

I have trust issues.  I am human…
and sometimes I just need a break from my own humanity… 
…
As much as I would love to write only happy, positive energy blogs…
That’s just not my reality.
…

I need to be honest.
This has been a hell of a month for me and my attitude.
Seriously, I wondered a few times if I was losing it.
…

Yet I know, when I am in a place of “negative energy”, God is working in me. molding me. refining me.  Proverbs 3:1-8.
It comes back to trust.  
I choose to trust God.  Even if I have to surrender over. and over. and over again. 
And I might as well clean my sink while I’m working on surrendering.
…

Is your sink clean?

How is your attitude?

What or Who are you trusting in these days?