insanity.

some days i think i’m going insane, ifffff…

insanity is ‘doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.’ [at one time, Albert Einstein was given credit for this quote]

 

“brush your teeth, change your clothes, get ready for school, put your shoes on, brush your hair, do your homework, don’t whine, don’t fight, don’t mess around – just GO to the bathroom if you need to…”

 

i tell my kids the same thing over and over and over again – every day – expecting this time they will do what i am asking them to do without my having to repeat myself over and over and over again. i’m expecting different results, right? daily, i do the same tasks over and over and over again – the dishes don’t disappear, the laundry won’t wash itself, the bills won’t pay themselves. insanity, right?

 

a few weeks ago, i began the work out program insanity

i love running. and usually that’s my exercise of choice

but i realized i needed to do something different, if i was expecting different results. 

so the insanity began.

i’ve peed my pants while doing the jumps.  [sorry, tmi] after having 3 babes au natural, this happens.

i’ve sweat more profusely than any other time in my life. i’ve debated taking a shower before and after the workout because of the insane amount of sweating with this workout. 

i’ve never sounded more ridiculous while trying to be healthy. seriously, these power and diamond jumps evoke weird noises when you’re giving your all to this work out. 

buuut… if i’m working out in the evening – and then eating noodles for dinner at 10pm – it might be, just might be, pointless.

so i’m working out with insanity and i’m expecting different results.

 

buuut… insanity is not really ‘doing the same thing(s) over and expecting different results’.

insanity is actually defined as:


1) a deranged state of the mind usually occurring as a specific disorder (as schizophrenia)

2) such unsoundness of mind or lack of understanding as prevents one from having the mental capacity required by law to enter into a particular relationship, status, or transaction or as removes one from criminal or civil responsibility

3) a: extreme folly or unreasonableness

 

 

 

 b: something utterly foolish or unreasonable

 

 

 

 

 

the insanity work out program is centered on exercises which work on/from your core. physically, our core is primarily what keeps us together.

it is all about your posture, keeping the correct posture for each exercise, and making sure your core is always in check.

 

whether you’ve been exercising a long time, or never have, our physical core needs the most focus. everything hinges on our core.


so what about our spiritual core?

we have to maintain our spiritual core, keep it in check, and work on having a correct core posture, or it will get flabby and out of shape and cause us heart problems… hmm… the same as our physical core.

 

my hearts core desire is to maintain a spiritual posture of surrender. 

if i am surrendered to God, i can fully abide in Him, lean on Him to keep my spiritual core in check and trust the Holy Spirit to convict me of sin.

 

there are many things that can impact the deterioration of our spiritual core… leading to sin – and even insanity. 

one of the most disruptive areas of sin that can absolutely crush our spiritual posture of surrender, is pride. 

pride is the polar opposite of surrender. 

part of our spiritual work out plan should be to keep our pride ‘in check’.

 

how can we avoid insanity? 

in the same way a physical work out needs to be maintained on a regular basis, keeping our spiritual core in check is a continuous activity.

this can’t just happen in a church service on christmas, easter, or even once a week on sunday mornings…

sin never takes a day off.

how do we maintain a healthy spiritual core? everyday we must be spending time in God’s Word, in worship, in a posture of surrender.


in the Bible we can read of King Nebuchadnezzar, who was filled with pride. even after he saw the miraculous works of God and praised Him, still his own heart was filled with pride. he was humiliated, stripped of his rulership, and… eventually he went insane. {Daniel 4:28-37 NKJ}

 

The king spoke saying, “is not this great Babylon, that I have built for a royal dwelling by my mighty power and for the honor of my majesty? While the word was still in the kings mouth, a voice fell from heaven: ‘King Nebuchadnezzar, to you it is spoken: the kingdom has departed from you!”… that very hour the word was fulfilled concerning Nebuchadnezzar; he was driven from men and ate grass like oxen; his body was wet with the dew of heaven till his hair had grown like eagles’ feathers and his nails like birds’ claws.


we are responsible for our core posture.

physically, we need to maintain an exercise routine and build up our core posture.

spiritually, we need to maintain our core posture of surrender unto the One true God.

 

it’s never too late to start building your healthy core posture. 

physically, start today – start with 1 mile – 25 sit ups – 10 push ups – whatever you can do. just do it.

spiritually, start today – read your Bible for 15 minutes – pray for 10 minutes – take 5 minutes to listen to a worship song.

 

there is always hope for physical and spiritual restoration.

“at the end of time I, Nebuchadnezzar lifted my eyes to heaven and my understanding returned to me. I blessed the Most High and praised and honored Him who lives forever… at the same time my reason returned to me… now I, Nebuchadnezzar, praise and extol and honor the King of heaven, all of whose works are truth, and His ways justice. and those who walk in pride He is able to put down.”

 

what’s your spiritual posture? how are you maintaining your spiritual core?

 

thank you for reading 🙂 as always, feel free to comment, share and follow this blog.

 

In Him, Leslie

 

i don’t wanna be a mom anymore…

at times, it hits me…

i don’t wanna be a mom anymore.

i’m weary, discouraged and tired of the stress that envelopes the calling of parenting.

hmmm, this might be kinda hard news to break to my 3 kids and husband…

 

so, i’m stuck with being mom. 

 

do i really have a choice, anyway?

 

well, yes.

one day i can decide i don’t wanna be a mom anymore and walk out, leaving my kids and husband, to live MY life, right?

yes.

or… i can decide i am going to choose joy in being a mom and keep choosing joy in the midst of the stress, discouragement and disappointment.

YES!

today i am writing this from a place of healing and the reality of how i feel at times.

there are days, sometimes weeks and months when the stress of parenting, along with other stress in life becomes overwhelming.

even menial tasks seem like a mountain to be conquered…

making their meals, doing the dishes, doing the laundry, brushing their teeth, giving them baths and caring for my kids proves difficult.

i begin to think it would be easier to just lay in bed all day…

i long for their 8pm bedtime, and it’s only 5:30pm…

sure, there are those days…

if i am honest, those times suck.. but thankfully they don’t last forever.

thankfully, i can honestly say i am grateful to be a mom and my kids bring me great joy!

 

we are a creation living within a world of choice.

we have a choice what to think about with our minds.

we have a choice what to do with our bodies.

we have a choice how to feel with our hearts.

we have a choice how to believe with our souls.

everyday we have choice, and everyday our kids have a choice.

we can guide our children to make good choices.

we can give consequences for their not so great choices.

we can guide, but can’t control every single one of our kids actions and reactions, anymore than God can control our actions and reactions.

we can choose to nurture our children and teach them in the ways of the Lord.

 

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord… Fathers {and mothers}, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

{Ephesians 6:1-4}

i have complained to the Lord of my anger and shared with Him my woes.

i have cried for relief from the hurt and pain that children can cause their parents. 

i have repented for the hurt i can cause my children.

i have sought the Lord for His wisdom on every aspect of parenting.

i have been honest with the Lord from the depths of my soul. 

 

God can handle our wide range of emotions and the depths of our transparency.

honesty with God brings healing and refuels our hope.  

 

although it is not always easy, i choose…

joy in the midst of parenting stress and life mess.

to remain grounded in God’s Word, hearing His truth for my life and for the lives of our 3 children.

to mourn disappointment and discouragement and loss.

to let go of my anger and frustrations.

to let go of bitterness and resentment.

to be thankful in all circumstances.

to pray over our children and love the heck out of them, even in the face of their disobedience.

for my patience to outweigh their impatience.

thankfully, God patiently loves the heck out of me in my disobedience!

and let’s face it – as parents – we don’t know what the heck we are doing most of the time anyway.

 

i choose God. 

i choose Worship and Praise.

i choose surrender.

i choose His ways not my ways. 

i choose to trust when i don’t understand…

and i choose to never. give. up. hope.


maybe you have felt this way? whether the situation be about your children, your job, your relationships, or anything else, what do you choose? please feel free to share! 


In Him, Leslie 

 

Yesterday, I lost my mind

Yesterday was one of those days… You know the ones.  Where your 2-year-old wakes you up at waaaaaay too early o’clock in the morning, screaming, “Ake up Mommy,  AKE UP!” while pulling on your covers. One of my biggest pet peeves is when anyone pulls my covers off of me.  That’s my job.  I don’t need any help with my covers.  Before I could even say, “it’s too early, go back to your bed”, I had a headache to kick off the day.

I was emotionally, mentally and physically drained before I even got out of bed.

I had hit my boiling point.  Frustrations had piled up and were weighing heavily on my shoulders.  My 2-year-old screaming was the thing that sent me over the edge.  You know those things.  The piled up frustrations/worries/fears/anxieties that you hold in/push down/shove under the rug… until something small morphs into something big.  Something simple, that you could normally handle as “no problem”, becomes the biggest deal on the face of the planet…and you lose your mind.

As custom with my emotional roller coaster days, the rest of the day followed suite.  I took out my frustrations on the wee Babs, P.A., the dishes, the dirty laundry, the dinner…. and myself.

I lost my mind.

I ran out of Grace.

Eventually, I put myself to bed.  at 8pm.

But before I gave myself a time out – the dishes, dirty laundry, dinner, P.A. and the wee Bab’s were the brunt of my lack of grace.

I had ZERO patience for P.A. and the wee Babs.  I cleaned the dishes with contempt.  I threw the dirty laundry around.  I wrestled with dinner until… I won.

All of this while I was feeling guilty, and growing more and more angry with myself.

I didn’t really win anything.  I hated the way I was treating my fam, the chores, and the feelings I had toward myself.  But I couldn’t stop the emotional roller coaster of ugly events.

I had lost all sense of reasonableness… and run out of Grace.  

After reflecting, forgiving myself, and asking forgiveness from my family, I could see I needed a break for myself.  Not just a “I need to get away from my kids/out of the house for a few hours” break, but Grace.  I needed Grace… for myself.  2 Corinthians 12:9.

Grace is a Gift from God.

There is no way to manufacture it, conjure it up, or create it within ourselves.  It can only be received from God.  If we don’t accept His Grace for ourselves, we can’t extend it to others.  Only the Grace He gives can overflow from our own hearts, and then be extended to others.

God’s Grace is His patience with us. His forgiveness toward us. His unending love for us.

I am thankful for God’s Gift of Grace, and for those moments when He reminds me how much I need His Grace.  For Myself.  And for others… including my dishes, dirty laundry and dinner.  Amen.

How are you experiencing God’s Grace in your own life?

embrace the suckiness

Sometimes life can really suck. And there are levels of suckiness. And we all have varying levels of tolerance for the suckiness that enters our lives.

Embrace the suckiness.

This is an anonymous quote (by one our friends).  Sometimes life sucks for a day or two, or a week, or a month or even years… but there are ways we can embrace it.  And grow from it.

Now we are going to explore 3 levels of suckiness and how to embrace them.

Level 1. an Annoyance.  You have a Ginormous zit on your eyebrow line (at least that’s what I’ve got going on the last few days) or it’s cloudy outside and you’re a sunshine kind of gal (or guy) or you had a terrible day at work/school… or your $4 mocha was accidentally thrown away.

Embracing Level 1. Cover up your zit with tons of make-up.  Or let it shine.  Deal with the clouds. Or don’t live in central Ohio.  Get over the bad day, tomorrow will be better.  Buy another mocha.

Level 2.  A strain.  A health strain.  Your kids are sick, up all night puking, so you are cranky b/c you didn’t get any sleep.  Or you are sick and need to work.  Or you AND your kids are sick (this is a level 2.5)  Or there is a strain on your marriage or a friendship.  Or you are having difficulty with your job.  Or a financial strain.

Embracing Level 2.  This can be tricky – one of my examples below.

Level 3.  A loss.  Personally.  Financially.  Relationally.  A loss of trust.  Or loss of a loved one.

Embracing Level 3.  “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding…” Proverbs 3:5  This is difficult, and is not always easy to do.  Trust in the Lord gives way to surrender and produces an attitude of thankfulness, which leads to an unexplainable peace and joy, despite circumstances.

Then there are those days I just forget the make-up, pull my hair back, put on my stretchy pants and consume large amounts of coffee to get thru and embrace the suckiness.

Today was one of those days.  It was a level 2.  Selah was up all night puking.  Which meant I was up all night cleaning.  She puked every hour.  I slept a little on the floor at the end of her bed in btwn cleanings.  As I laid on the floor, I kept thinking of funny sayings in the book “Stuff Christians Like” by Jonathan Acuff (a must read btw).  I was embracing the suckiness with laughter.  When I was washing the 6 extra loads of puke laundry, I embraced the suckiness, thankful for our washing machine.  Selah slept most of the day.  She had a fever and was worn out from being up all night.  I was thankful for the extra time I had to cuddle with her, and hold her close.

                                                         Then she woke up and had a little bit of water.  And went back to sleep on the floor.  Her brother and sister played around her as she laid in the middle of the living room.  I was thankful she was able to rest, even with her sibs running in circles around her.

                                                                                               Later she moved into the kitchen and had a few bites of cracker.  I was cooking dinner by this time.  She laid down on the kitchen floor to be near me.  I was thankful to be near her.

This morning, she had her 2-year-old check up previously scheduled – coincidence – so we went to see the Dr.  From the moment we entered the office, she was crying the entire time, “I want daaaaadddddyyyyyy!” and raising the suckiness to a level 2.3.  Then I started crying in the Pediatric lobby while the receptionist stared at me from behind the glass with sympathy… or disgust, I couldn’t tell as tears welled up in my own eyes.  Eventually I embraced the suckiness, thankful that Selah wasn’t throwing up anymore…

After we got back home, I let her have some milk.  Bad idea.  How can I deny my baby milk?  A few minutes later, the chunks started flying again.  Salem comments, “It looks like shaving cream!”  Great observation.  I was thinking cottage cheese.  He’s a bright boy.  Meanwhile, Soleil turns queezy and hides to avoid all physical and visual contact.

Thankfully, today I wasn’t sick.  I’ve been there, done that.  Those days when momma PLUS kids are sick, I try to embrace that suckiness level 2.5.  Being sick and taking care of my wee Babs is difficult really sucks.  But I can embrace it…eventually.  If I’m sick, I’m thinking Yes!  I’m gonna lose a quick 5 lbs!  and sure it will come back, but for a few days I get to enjoy being 5 lbs lighter.

We’ve had many opportunities to embrace the suckiness.  On all levels.  Annoyances, Strains and Losses.  Of friendships.  Being a laid off of work.  A miscarriage.  And in time I will share those stories and how we embraced them.  And how we have grown.

How will you embrace the suckiness?