Yesterday was one of those days… You know the ones. Where your 2-year-old wakes you up at waaaaaay too early o’clock in the morning, screaming, “Ake up Mommy, AKE UP!” while pulling on your covers. One of my biggest pet peeves is when anyone pulls my covers off of me. That’s my job. I don’t need any help with my covers. Before I could even say, “it’s too early, go back to your bed”, I had a headache to kick off the day.
I was emotionally, mentally and physically drained before I even got out of bed.
I had hit my boiling point. Frustrations had piled up and were weighing heavily on my shoulders. My 2-year-old screaming was the thing that sent me over the edge. You know those things. The piled up frustrations/worries/fears/anxieties that you hold in/push down/shove under the rug… until something small morphs into something big. Something simple, that you could normally handle as “no problem”, becomes the biggest deal on the face of the planet…and you lose your mind.
As custom with my emotional roller coaster days, the rest of the day followed suite. I took out my frustrations on the wee Babs, P.A., the dishes, the dirty laundry, the dinner…. and myself.
I lost my mind.
I ran out of Grace.
Eventually, I put myself to bed. at 8pm.
But before I gave myself a time out – the dishes, dirty laundry, dinner, P.A. and the wee Bab’s were the brunt of my lack of grace.
I had ZERO patience for P.A. and the wee Babs. I cleaned the dishes with contempt. I threw the dirty laundry around. I wrestled with dinner until… I won.
All of this while I was feeling guilty, and growing more and more angry with myself.
I didn’t really win anything. I hated the way I was treating my fam, the chores, and the feelings I had toward myself. But I couldn’t stop the emotional roller coaster of ugly events.
I had lost all sense of reasonableness… and run out of Grace.
After reflecting, forgiving myself, and asking forgiveness from my family, I could see I needed a break for myself. Not just a “I need to get away from my kids/out of the house for a few hours” break, but Grace. I needed Grace… for myself. 2 Corinthians 12:9.
Grace is a Gift from God.
There is no way to manufacture it, conjure it up, or create it within ourselves. It can only be received from God. If we don’t accept His Grace for ourselves, we can’t extend it to others. Only the Grace He gives can overflow from our own hearts, and then be extended to others.
God’s Grace is His patience with us. His forgiveness toward us. His unending love for us.
I am thankful for God’s Gift of Grace, and for those moments when He reminds me how much I need His Grace. For Myself. And for others… including my dishes, dirty laundry and dinner. Amen.
How are you experiencing God’s Grace in your own life?
3 thoughts on “Yesterday, I lost my mind”
Yesterday? I figured you lost your mind a long time ago. I know I did 😉
Isn’t it crazy how a series of little events can lead to a total loss of self control? I am able to give my kids grace because I have had 30 years of practice and I still struggle. How can I expect my two year old to have it figured out?
Oh Leslie! How much I understand this & can relate to the nth degree. It is so comforting to hear that others struggle with the daily things in life too:)