church ladies

June 11, 20134 Comments

on sunday night, i was having a chat with a few of our church ladies ~ {aka} ladies who attend our church.
we were gabbing and cackling as typical church ladies do, and eventually the conversation landed on my transparency.

well, thank you very much. i do like to speak the truth, and i am happy to accept that label.

my transparency came up when one of the ladies shared a story about running into our family one saturday evening at a restaurant a few years back, where we were having dinner with a few other church peeps. she and another friend were leaving the restaurant, when we started blabbing about about church the next day, and how during the service we were going to have a “renew your vows” ceremony, blah blah blah. it was near valentines day {another reason for this fabulous idea}. then we said, “see you tomorrow at church”, as we always do to anyone we chat with on a saturday night, because we always expect people to show up to church on sunday morning!

it’s what we do! it’s our job! we’re a pastor and his wife for cryin’ out loud! we expect people to show up at church!

but here’s the deal-io…

these church ladies didn’t show up at church the next day. they are single gals… and the last place they wanted to be was at a vow renewal ceremony during the church service. tooootally understandable.

now honestly, i don’t remember them not being at the service… but what i do remember is that adam and i renewed our vows that morning, along with a few other couples, and my outfit was awful!

so on this sunday night, i told the church ladies ~ i don’t remember your not being at church that morning, but i do remember my outfit was really weird. and it was. the skirt was too long. the shirt was too red. and the sweater was all wrong. i was also in the skin of my “two months after having my third baby body”, and not fully comfortable even walking down the aisle to renew my vows. not to mention my husband {aka} awesome pastor of the church, was giving the vow renewal ceremony. sooo… he was standing on the stage, while i was awkwardly standing a few steps below him, for most of the ceremony, surrounded by couples holding sweaty hands, foreheads pressed together, looking deep into one another’s eyes.

sure. it was all very romantic. but my outfit was all wrong.

aaaand… if i still had a picture of what i wore, i would post it smack down on this blog.

but i don’t… i’m fairly sure i threw away the picture.

as i shared this outfit dilemma with the church ladies, they started laughing at me and said, “that’s what i love about you ~ your transparency.”

i just smiled and laughed out loud {ya know, LOL}, as i typically do when i make others laugh. i think comedy is one of my spiritual gifts, because even if no one laughs at my comments, jokes, facial expressions, gestures, or hand signals,… i am perfectly content still believing i am hilarious.
as our conversation(s) went on and on and on, and rabbit trailed all over the place, as any conversation i am involved in will do, we shared more life stories with one another and my heart soared. i was humbled and honored in my quiet of my soul.

these church ladies choose to share their lives with me. they love my transparency.

and if i’m really being transparent… then honestly, you should know most of the time i’m thinking ‘i don’t know what the heck i’m doing as a pastors wife.’ but i know i am called by God to do this. so i keep going.

even on the days i get discouraged, on the days i believe lies from the pit of hell, on the days i allow my brain to be so wrapped up in theological thought knots… i keep going.

when God’s sweet whisper and these church ladies remind me…

we love your transparency.

we serve a God of transparency. He knows all. He searches all. He sees all. He wants all.

He knows me. He searches my heart. He sees right thru me, into my transparency. He wants my transparency.

i want to leave you with Psalm 39 ~ my prayer is for it to encourage you to be transparent. be who God fully created you to be. if you are unsure, ask God and wait for Him to reveal ~ without comparing to anyone around you physically or virtually. walk in the fullness of who God designed and created you. to. be.

as always, feel free to comment on, follow and share this blog! In Him, Leslie 🙂

Psalm 139

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

¹You have searched me, Lord,

 and you know me.

²You know when I sit and when I rise;

 you perceive my thoughts from afar.

³You discern my going out and my lying down;

 you are familiar with all my ways.

⁴Before a word is on my tongue

 you, Lord, know it completely.

⁵You hem me in behind and before,

 and you lay your hand upon me.

⁶Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

 too lofty for me to attain.

⁷Where can I go from your Spirit?

 Where can I flee from your presence?

⁸If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

 if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

⁹If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

 if I settle on the far side of the sea,

¹⁰even there your hand will guide me,

 your right hand will hold me fast.

¹¹If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me

 and the light become night around me,”

¹²even the darkness will not be dark to you;

 the night will shine like the day,

 for darkness is as light to you.

¹³For you created my inmost being;

 you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

¹⁴I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

 your works are wonderful,

 I know that full well.

¹⁵My frame was not hidden from you

 when I was made in the secret place,

 when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

¹⁶Your eyes saw my unformed body;

 all the days ordained for me were written in your book

 before one of them came to be.

¹⁷How precious to me are your thoughts, God!

 How vast is the sum of them!

¹⁸Were I to count them,

 they would outnumber the grains of sand—

 when I awake, I am still with you.

¹⁹If only you, God, would slay the wicked!

 Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!

²⁰They speak of you with evil intent;

 your adversaries misuse your name.

²¹Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,

 and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?

²²I have nothing but hatred for them;

 I count them my enemies.

²³Search me, God, and know my heart;

 test me and know my anxious thoughts.

²⁴See if there is any offensive way in me,

 and lead me in the way everlasting.

my heart is in Oklahoma…

May 23, 2013Leave a comment

i usually avoid watching ~~too much~~ any news… in fact, i found out about the tornado that ripped thru my home state of oklahoma on monday afternoon, via facebook. i guess you could say facebook is how i find out what’s trending.

what’s trending now is oklahoma. and tornadoes.

well, this girl is from oklahoma, so in my humble opinion – oklahoma is always trendy. and i am proud to be an oklahoman.

you can take this girl out of oklahoma, but a piece of my heart will always be there.

i was born and raised in edmond, oklahoma… about 20 miles from moore ~ the epicenter of mondays destruction, devastation and death.

my broken heart is there emotionally.
my cries are for my fellow oklahomans. my people.
my family is safe. but i ache for those who have lost so much.
my body wants to be there physically. to help. to be a shoulder to cry on. a listening ear. an understanding soul.

and perhaps we all go thru this. even if we are not an oklahoman.
perhaps we share similar emotions upon learning of any tragedy.
is this simple human nature?
to respond to those in need?
and why do we wait until it is a tragedy we are responding to?
…
is this God’s nature?
after all, He makes the storms.
He is a loving God.
He is a gracious God.
He is a good God.
but is there any good in tornadoes?
is there a purpose in destructive winds and rain?
it sounds slightly distorted… but could it be?
is there a creative God who shapes these storms to draw people closer to Him?
perhaps.

hearing the news.
crying over the loss.
thinking thru the situation.
processing the fullness of what has just happened.
understanding the depths of devastation, destruction and death.

in the most basic way, a storm of any kind can bring us to our knees…

a natural disaster is a showcase for our own frailty…

and a reminder of our inability to control things, no matter how hard we might try…

so what now?
the storm has come.
the storm has demolished.
the storm has gone.

perhaps our first tendency is to cry out ‘why?’
why would a good and gracious God allow such calamity?

Psalm 77

“I cry aloud to God, aloud to God, and He will hear me…

the crash of your thunder was in the whirlwind;
your lightnings lighted up the world;
the earth trembled and shook…

You led Your people like a flock.”

it is simple to say.
it is much more complicated to believe.
and much much more complicated to live.

Trust God.

He is with us.

He has not forsaken us.

He loves us.

He mourns with those who grieve.
He weeps for their loss.
He comforts those who cry out to Him.
He extends His unfailing, everlasting, never-ending love toward us all.
it is our job to respond.
God will answer. but first, we must call out to Him {respond}.

i know – even without watching any news or reading any articles or seeing anything on my facebook feed – i know that i know that i know that i know – oklahomans are responding.

oklahoma is one of the greatest places on the earth.
my roots are there. my family still lives there. of course i am a little biased…
but it is true.
oklahomans are the ‘glass is half full’ kind of folk.
they are the type to take the ‘high road’.
they are ‘sunny side up’ sorta people.
they are the most giving, gracious, generous, kind, caring, loving, wonderful and amazing people i have ever known and get to be related to! 😉

…
so, even for those who don’t believe in a good, gracious, loving God…
oklahomans are responding to this storm in ways that will inspire the rest of the world.

and for those who are followers of Christ Jesus ~ we must respond. there is no space for idleness.
may the church rise up in this storm and all the storms to come.
may our response be one of the highest praise to our Lord and Savior Christ Jesus, and may we be His hands and feet, relentlessly caring for and loving those in front of us … wherever we are currently planted on this earth.
may we respond.

In Him, Leslie

as always, feel free to comment, share and follow this blog 🙂

the office.

May 17, 2013Leave a comment

tonight we said good-bye to a dear friend of ours…
the office.
we laughed. we cried. we reminisced.
and after everything we’ve shared together on thursday nights over the last 9 seasons, we took a good long hard look at where we’ve been… and where we’ll be…

after watching the series ending of this beloved t.v. show, i am reflecting…
on how much i related to those characters and what happened in their lives…
and how much i want a documentary of my own life to look back on…

a few episodes ago, i really resonated with Erin’s character flipping out when she lost the paper airplane contest in the downstairs warehouse.
she tried keeping her temper in check so her boyfriend Pete wouldn’t see that side of her.
and eventually, she breaks down, freaks out about losing and kicks the crap out of a box.
i’ve done that before.

i resonated with Jim & Pam and their fairytale love story.
their friendship, their love for one another, their family, career decisions and everything else.
i know we are blessed to have a great romance ~ thankfully it didn’t take us four years to figure it out.

i resonated with Andy and his dreams of “what was and what will be”…
he was always looking at what he didn’t have and what he missed from his past.
he lived outside of his present reality much of the time in a world of dreams. hopes. pining for the past and planning for future goals.
all great things.
buuut… sometimes i can get caught up in that ‘i miss such and such and so and so’
aaand…. ‘i wonder such and such about the future’…
i end up neglecting what’s in the present. and i don’t appreciate what i do have.

my favorite line from this last episode was Andy saying, “i wish you could know you were in the good ol’ days, before you left them…”
amen Andy. me too.

i want to appreciate the past for what it was and enjoy the present for what it is.
i write, i journal, i take pictures and i tell stories to remember.
i want to remember the last 9 years and more to see how we’ve grown and how much we have to be thankful for.
i don’t have a documentary of the last 9 years of our lives… but 9 years ago everything changed.
soleil was born. we became parents.
with writing, journaling, taking pictures and telling the stories ~ i can remember.
i can enjoy the memories and the present moments simultaneously.
and you. can. too.

thank you ‘office’ for reminding me.

*please feel free to share, comment and follow this blog! thank you for reading 🙂
in Him, Leslie

insanity

April 25, 2013Leave a comment

some days i think i’m going insane, ifffff…
insanity is ‘doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.’ [at one time, Albert Einstein was given credit for this quote]

“brush your teeth, change your clothes, get ready for school, put your shoes on, brush your hair, do your homework, don’t whine, don’t fight, don’t mess around – just GO to the bathroom if you need to…”

i tell my kids the same thing over and over and over again – every day – expecting this time they will do what i am asking them to do without my having to repeat myself over and over and over again. i’m expecting different results, right? daily, i do the same tasks over and over and over again – the dishes don’t disappear, the laundry won’t wash itself, the bills won’t pay themselves. insanity, right?

a few weeks ago, i began the work out program insanity.

i love running. and usually that’s my exercise of choice…

but i realized i needed to do something different, if i was expecting different results.

so the insanity began.

i’ve peed my pants while doing the jumps. [sorry, tmi] after having 3 babes au natural, this happens.
i’ve sweat more profusely than any other time in my life. i’ve debated taking a shower before and after the workout because of the insane amount of sweating with this workout.

i’ve never sounded more ridiculous while trying to be healthy. seriously, these power and diamond jumps evoke weird noises when you’re giving your all to this work out.

buuut… if i’m working out in the evening – and then eating noodles for dinner at 10pm – it might be, just might be, pointless.
so i’m working out with insanity and i’m expecting different results.

buuut… insanity is not really ‘doing the same thing(s) over and expecting different results’.
insanity is actually defined as:

1) a deranged state of the mind usually occurring as a specific disorder (as schizophrenia)

2) such unsoundness of mind or lack of understanding as prevents one from having the mental capacity required by law to enter into a particular relationship, status, or transaction or as removes one from criminal or civil responsibility

3) a: extreme folly or unreasonableness

b: something utterly foolish or unreasonable

…

the insanity work out program is centered on exercises which work on/from your core. physically, our core is primarily what keeps us together.
it is all about your posture, keeping the correct posture for each exercise, and making sure your core is always in check.

whether you’ve been exercising a long time, or never have, our physical core needs the most focus. everything hinges on our core.

so what about our spiritual core?
we have to maintain our spiritual core, keep it in check, and work on having a correct core posture, or it will get flabby and out of shape and cause us heart problems… hmm… the same as our physical core.

my hearts core desire is to maintain a spiritual posture of surrender.
if i am surrendered to God, i can fully abide in Him, lean on Him to keep my spiritual core in check and trust the Holy Spirit to convict me of sin.

there are many things that can impact the deterioration of our spiritual core… leading to sin – and even insanity.
one of the most disruptive areas of sin that can absolutely crush our spiritual posture of surrender, is pride.
pride is the polar opposite of surrender.
part of our spiritual work out plan should be to keep our pride ‘in check’.

how can we avoid insanity?
in the same way a physical work out needs to be maintained on a regular basis, keeping our spiritual core in check is a continuous activity.
this can’t just happen in a church service on christmas, easter, or even once a week on sunday mornings…
sin never takes a day off.
how do we maintain a healthy spiritual core? everyday we must be spending time in God’s Word, in worship, in a posture of surrender.

in the Bible we can read of King Nebuchadnezzar, who was filled with pride. even after he saw the miraculous works of God and praised Him, still his own heart was filled with pride. he was humiliated, stripped of his rulership, and… eventually he went insane. {Daniel 4:28-37 NKJ}

The king spoke saying, “is not this great Babylon, that I have built for a royal dwelling by my mighty power and for the honor of my majesty? While the word was still in the kings mouth, a voice fell from heaven: ‘King Nebuchadnezzar, to you it is spoken: the kingdom has departed from you!”… that very hour the word was fulfilled concerning Nebuchadnezzar; he was driven from men and ate grass like oxen; his body was wet with the dew of heaven till his hair had grown like eagles’ feathers and his nails like birds’ claws.

we are responsible for our core posture.
physically, we need to maintain an exercise routine and build up our core posture.
spiritually, we need to maintain our core posture of surrender unto the One true God.

it’s never too late to start building your healthy core posture.
physically, start today – start with 1 mile – 25 sit ups – 10 push ups – whatever you can do. just do it.
spiritually, start today – read your Bible for 15 minutes – pray for 10 minutes – take 5 minutes to listen to a worship song.

there is always hope for physical and spiritual restoration.

“at the end of time I, Nebuchadnezzar lifted my eyes to heaven and my understanding returned to me. I blessed the Most High and praised and honored Him who lives forever… at the same time my reason returned to me… now I, Nebuchadnezzar, praise and extol and honor the King of heaven, all of whose works are truth, and His ways justice. and those who walk in pride He is able to put down.”

what’s your spiritual posture? how are you maintaining your spiritual core?

thank you for reading 🙂 as always, feel free to comment, share and follow this blog.

In Him, Leslie

i don’t wanna be a mom anymore…

April 19, 2013Leave a comment

at times, it hits me…

i don’t wanna be a mom anymore.

i’m weary, discouraged and tired of the stress that envelopes the calling of parenting.

hmmm, this might be kinda hard news to break to my 3 kids and husband…

so, i’m stuck with being mom.

do i really have a choice, anyway?

well, yes.

one day i can decide i don’t wanna be a mom anymore and walk out, leaving my kids and husband, to live MY life, right?

yes.

or… i can decide i am going to choose joy in being a mom and keep choosing joy in the midst of the stress, discouragement and disappointment.

YES!

today i am writing this from a place of healing and the reality of how i feel at times.

there are days, sometimes weeks and months when the stress of parenting, along with other stress in life becomes overwhelming.

even menial tasks seem like a mountain to be conquered…

making their meals, doing the dishes, doing the laundry, brushing their teeth, giving them baths and caring for my kids proves difficult.

i begin to think it would be easier to just lay in bed all day…

i long for their 8pm bedtime, and it’s only 5:30pm…

sure, there are those days…

if i am honest, those times suck.. but thankfully they don’t last forever.

thankfully, i can honestly say i am grateful to be a mom and my kids bring me great joy!

we are a creation living within a world of choice.

we have a choice what to think about with our minds.

we have a choice what to do with our bodies.

we have a choice how to feel with our hearts.

we have a choice how to believe with our souls.

everyday we have choice, and everyday our kids have a choice.

we can guide our children to make good choices.

we can give consequences for their not so great choices.

we can guide, but can’t control every single one of our kids actions and reactions, anymore than God can control our actions and reactions.

we can choose to nurture our children and teach them in the ways of the Lord.

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord… Fathers {and mothers}, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

{Ephesians 6:1-4}

i have complained to the Lord of my anger and shared with Him my woes.

i have cried for relief from the hurt and pain that children can cause their parents.

i have repented for the hurt i can cause my children.

i have sought the Lord for His wisdom on every aspect of parenting.

i have been honest with the Lord from the depths of my soul.

God can handle our wide range of emotions and the depths of our transparency.

honesty with God brings healing and refuels our hope.

although it is not always easy, i choose…

joy in the midst of parenting stress and life mess.

to remain grounded in God’s Word, hearing His truth for my life and for the lives of our 3 children.

to mourn disappointment and discouragement and loss.

to let go of my anger and frustrations.

to let go of bitterness and resentment.

to be thankful in all circumstances.

to pray over our children and love the heck out of them, even in the face of their disobedience.

for my patience to outweigh their impatience.

thankfully, God patiently loves the heck out of me in my disobedience!

and let’s face it – as parents – we don’t know what the heck we are doing most of the time anyway.

i choose God.

i choose Worship and Praise.

i choose surrender.

i choose His ways not my ways.

i choose to trust when i don’t understand…

and i choose to never. give. up. hope.

maybe you have felt this way? whether the situation be about your children, your job, your relationships, or anything else, what do you choose? please feel free to share!

In Him, Leslie

Half Written Records

Our stories, God stories, Heaven meets earth stories

Category: Truth

church ladies

Psalm 139

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

my heart is in Oklahoma…

the office.

insanity

i don’t wanna be a mom anymore…

Psalm 139

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

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