on sunday night, i was having a chat with a few of our church ladies ~ {aka} ladies who attend our church.
we were gabbing and cackling as typical church ladies do, and eventually the conversation landed on my transparency.

well, thank you very much. i do like to speak the truth, and i am happy to accept that label.

my transparency came up when one of the ladies shared a story about running into our family one saturday evening at a restaurant a few years back, where we were having dinner with a few other church peeps. she and another friend were leaving the restaurant, when we started blabbing about about church the next day, and how during the service we were going to have a “renew your vows” ceremony, blah blah blah. it was near valentines day {another reason for this fabulous idea}. then we said, “see you tomorrow at church”, as we always do to anyone we chat with on a saturday night, because we always expect people to show up to church on sunday morning!

it’s what we do! it’s our job! we’re a pastor and his wife for cryin’ out loud! we expect people to show up at church! 

but here’s the deal-io…

these church ladies didn’t show up at church the next day. they are single gals… and the last place they wanted to be was at a vow renewal ceremony during the church service. tooootally understandable.

now honestly, i don’t remember them not being at the service… but what i do remember is that adam and i renewed our vows that morning, along with a few other couples, and my outfit was awful!

so on this sunday night, i told the church ladies ~ i don’t remember your not being at church that morning, but i do remember my outfit was really weird. and it was. the skirt was too long. the shirt was too red. and the sweater was all wrong. i was also in the skin of my “two months after having my third baby body”, and not fully comfortable even walking down the aisle to renew my vows. not to mention my husband {aka} awesome pastor of the church, was giving the vow renewal ceremony. sooo… he was standing on the stage, while i was awkwardly standing a few steps below him, for most of the ceremony, surrounded by couples holding sweaty hands, foreheads pressed together, looking deep into one another’s eyes.

sure. it was all very romantic. but my outfit was all wrong.

aaaand… if i still had a picture of what i wore, i would post it smack down on this blog.

but i don’t… i’m fairly sure i threw away the picture.

as i shared this outfit dilemma with the church ladies, they started laughing at me and said, “that’s what i love about you ~ your transparency.”

i just smiled and laughed out loud {ya know, LOL}, as i typically do when i make others laugh. i think comedy is one of my spiritual gifts, because even if no one laughs at my comments, jokes, facial expressions, gestures, or hand signals,… i am perfectly content still believing i am hilarious. 
as our conversation(s) went on and on and on, and rabbit trailed all over the place, as any conversation i am involved in will do, we shared more life stories with one another and my heart soared.  i was humbled and honored in my quiet of my soul.

these church ladies choose to share their lives with me.  they love my transparency.

and if i’m really being transparent… then honestly, you should know most of the time i’m thinking ‘i don’t know what the heck i’m doing as a pastors wife.’ but i know i am called by God to do this. so i keep going.

even on the days i get discouraged, on the days i believe lies from the pit of hell, on the days i allow my brain to be so wrapped up in theological thought knots… i keep going.

when God’s sweet whisper and these church ladies remind me…

we love your transparency. 

we serve a God of transparency. He knows all. He searches all. He sees all. He wants all.

He knows me. He searches my heart. He sees right thru me, into my transparency. He wants my transparency.   

i want to leave you with Psalm 39 ~ my prayer is for it to encourage you to be transparent. be who God fully created you to be. if you are unsure, ask God and wait for Him to reveal ~ without comparing to anyone around you physically or virtually. walk in the fullness of who God designed and created you. to. be.


as always, feel free to comment on, follow and share this blog! In Him, Leslie 🙂

Psalm 139

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

¹ You have searched me,<sup class="crossreference" value="(A)”> Lord,

    and you know<sup class="crossreference" value="(B)”> me.

² You know when I sit and when I rise;<sup class="crossreference" value="(C)”>

    you perceive my thoughts<sup class="crossreference" value="(D)”> from afar.

³ You discern my going out<sup class="crossreference" value="(E)”> and my lying down;

    you are familiar with all my ways.<sup class="crossreference" value="(F)”>

⁴ Before a word is on my tongue

    you, Lord, know it completely.<sup class="crossreference" value="(G)”>

⁵ You hem me in<sup class="crossreference" value="(H)”> behind and before,

    and you lay your hand upon me.

⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,<sup class="crossreference" value="(I)”>

    too lofty<sup class="crossreference" value="(J)”> for me to attain.

⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit?

    Where can I flee<sup class="crossreference" value="(K)”> from your presence?

⁸ If I go up to the heavens,<sup class="crossreference" value="(L)”> you are there;

    if I make my bed<sup class="crossreference" value="(M)”> in the depths, you are there.

⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

    if I settle on the far side of the sea,

¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,<sup class="crossreference" value="(N)”>

    your right hand<sup class="crossreference" value="(O)”> will hold me fast.

¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me

    and the light become night around me,”

¹² even the darkness will not be dark<sup class="crossreference" value="(P)”> to you;

    the night will shine like the day,

    for darkness is as light to you.

¹³ For you created my inmost being;<sup class="crossreference" value="(Q)”>

    you knit me together<sup class="crossreference" value="(R)”> in my mother’s womb.<sup class="crossreference" value="(S)”>

¹⁴ I praise you<sup class="crossreference" value="(T)”> because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

    your works are wonderful,<sup class="crossreference" value="(U)”>

    I know that full well.

¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you

    when I was made<sup class="crossreference" value="(V)”> in the secret place,

    when I was woven together<sup class="crossreference" value="(W)”> in the depths of the earth.<sup class="crossreference" value="(X)”>

¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;

    all the days ordained<sup class="crossreference" value="(Y)”> for me were written in your book

    before one of them came to be.

¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts, God!<sup class="crossreference" value="(AA)”>

    How vast is the sum of them!

¹⁸ Were I to count them,<sup class="crossreference" value="(AB)”>

    they would outnumber the grains of sand<sup class="crossreference" value="(AC)”>—

    when I awake,<sup class="crossreference" value="(AD)”> I am still with you.

¹⁹ If only you, God, would slay the wicked!<sup class="crossreference" value="(AE)”>

    Away from me,<sup class="crossreference" value="(AF)”> you who are bloodthirsty!<sup class="crossreference" value="(AG)”>

²⁰ They speak of you with evil intent;

    your adversaries<sup class="crossreference" value="(AH)”> misuse your name.<sup class="crossreference" value="(AI)”>

²¹ Do I not hate those<sup class="crossreference" value="(AJ)”> who hate you, Lord,

    and abhor<sup class="crossreference" value="(AK)”> those who are in rebellion against you?

²² I have nothing but hatred for them;

    I count them my enemies.<sup class="crossreference" value="(AL)”>

²³ Search me,<sup class="crossreference" value="(AM)”> God, and know my heart;<sup class="crossreference" value="(AN)”>

    test me and know my anxious thoughts.

²⁴ See if there is any offensive way<sup class="crossreference" value="(AO)”> in me,

    and lead me<sup class="crossreference" value="(AP)”> in the way everlasting.