Conspiracy Theory

I am a conspiracy theorist.

This wonderful trait was passed down to me by my Dad.  Thanks Dad.

And this wonderful trait was enhanced after I read George Orwell’s book, 1984.  And later when I saw the movie Conspiracy Theory, with Mel Gibson and Julia Roberts.

Sometimes my conspiracy theorizing brain just goes crazy…

with assumptions. conclusions. and more than likely made up stories.

Some might call this being paranoid…  but I call it being aware of my surroundings.

Often these theories develop when my brain has idle time after I’ve seen something that triggers a conspiracy happening.

Given enough idle mind time, I could become a professional conspiracy theorist. Scary, isn’t it?

Thankfully, I don’t have much idle time, but when I do…

These are some of the conspiracy theories, assumptions and conclusions I’ve come up with while running and living life in my hood…

When I see a white van with darkened windows and no company markings on the outside of the van, I assume there is a kidnapper in that van.

When I see someone walk up to a car, talk to the driver for a moment, hand them something and receive something in exchange, I assume it is a drug deal.

When I see the price of vegetables and fruit skyrocket at the grocery store, while McD’s dollar menu remains the same, it is because “they” want us to be unhealthy and eventually need more medical care.

When I see gas prices at an all time high, I assume the oil companies are greedy and all they care about it our money.

When I see all of the commercials for all of the different medicines available to cure one thing or another, while causing side affects that will require 5 more pills to cure the initial problem, I assume it’s because “they” are trying to over medicate us and eventually take all of our money.

When I see a kid screaming, crying and out of control, I assume the parents are push-overs.

When I see someone staring at me, I assume it is because I have toilet paper hanging out of my pants.

When we have our windows open and I smell cigarette smoke, it’s because someone is probably standing on the sidewalk trying to spy on us… 
When I think someone might be spying on us, I assume it’s because I am onto something with all of my theories.  

When I see my number of facebook friends go up and down, without me adding or deleting any “friends”, I assume it’s because… nah, never mind… that will just sound too crazy.

Now I realize most of these silly conspiracy theories are not even close to being true. Most days these silly stories don’t even cross my mind. Most days are just normal days…

Or perhaps, not so normal.

Like when I sent my 2nd grade daughter to her elementary school yesterday and they have a lock down.

Not just a “practice” lock down.  But a real lock down.

Apparently, there was a distraught gunman reported to be seen near one of the schools in town.  For precaution, they put all of the schools within the area, on lock down. The person matching the description was not found in the area, so the lock down lifted and the day went on as “normal”.

Was the person reporting another fellow conspiracy theorist?  Perhaps.

Or perhaps there was a gunman.

Sometimes, conspiracy theories can come true.  bad things happen to good people. danger is around us.  that’s not a theory.

Everyday we pray for God’s protection to surround our entire family.  We pray for our kids everyday before they go to school.  They pray at school. We pray while they’re at school.

I asked Soleil if she was afraid at school.  She said “No”.  She told her friend Myah, “You know Who is protecting us, right?” Myah said, “Yea, I know.” and Soleil said, “God.” They were praying together during the lock down. I couldn’t be more proud.

I can concoct some pretty radical theories in my brain, but regardless of there reliability, I don’t need to fear evil or danger.  I know God is my Shepherd and He is in control (John 10:1-18).

What are some of the craziest conspiracy theories your brain has concocted?




I have an addiction…

to Cheez-Its.

Particularly the colby flavored Cheez-its.  last week i bought them and with a very small amount of help from the wee Babs – meaning it was mostly me eating them – i ate the entire box of colby cheez-its in less than 24 hours.  seriously.  this is a problem.  

it’s best i don’t have them in the house. at all.

then there’s Selah… 

recently she gave up her binky. plug. pacifier. whatever you want to call it…

actually, she was forced to give it up when we lost the last one she had.  you can read more about that here.

but now she has a new addiction.  it’s called driving me crazy.  

seriously.  i’m concerned about this addiction.  it’s been exactly one month since she stopped using her plug.  she asked for her binky every day and night for over three weeks.  she finally stopped asking for it a few days ago.  still she screams and cries every night before falling asleep.  she will not fall asleep without me or P.A. at the end of her bed.  we know it’s just a phase.  it won’t last forever. she won’t ask us to hold her at night time when she’s 22 years old.  it’s just a 2 year old “season” she is in.

the first week without her plug, i expected things to be tough.  however, i did not expect that the weeks to follow would be even rougher. but they were.  

she woke up screaming one night, complaining of pain in her ear. and it finally dawned on me that she had an ear infection.  i thought, oh that’s why she’s been so crazy lately.  when i took her to the doctor, i said “please tell me she has an ear infection!”  typically i don’t get overly excited about visiting the pediatrician.  do you?  but this day was different.  i was hopefully anticipating the doctor to tell me something was wrong with my child.  it would explain so much.

or so i thought…

everyday she is still finding ways to drive me crazy in creative ways.  she is over her ear infection.  she is over the binky.  but she is not over herself.  she wants control.  she is exceptionally strong willed and extremely stubborn…  and so. stinkin’. cute.

the one night she fell asleep on her own in the last month, we found her like this. hilarious. 

i don’t get the preoccupation she had with this blasted piece of plastic.  
i also don’t understand why she insists on watching Salem poop. 

i do understand our need as human beings to try and control things.  

Selah had control.  of her binky.  and now it’s gone. 

she tries to control other things in our home.  but in the end, mom wins. 

we have our hands full.  this child is somethin’ else.  

and all of this.  control.  addictions.  these are lessons we teach now to our almost 2.5 year old so that she is able to surrender her control issues to God as she grows up.

when i think about our wee babs becoming teen and adult babs, it freaks me out a little.  there are much more dangerous addictions they can attach to as they grow up.  as difficult as it might be, we can not control what they choose as adults.  But what we can do is teach, train, guide and pray. pray. pray.  

i can become so pissed about other addictions.  who really cares about a stupid silly ol’ addiction to cheez-it’s or a binky piece of plastic, when there are REAL addictions and REAL people who have them, who need flippin’ FREEDOM!  We need to PRAY for one another!

it’s our will against God’s.  it’s our humanity against spirit-led living.  it’s control verses surrender.

it all comes down to surrender.  

surrendering our plugs, our addictions, large or small, to God.  

He knows best. 

Clean Your Sink

The past few weeks, I have basically been in a bad mood.

Seriously.  Probably 75% of the time I have been a ball of negative energy.

It’s like I’ve been P-M-S-ing. all. month. long.

Sure, I’ve had “good days”. but I have also been very negative. and this is not normal for me.

I can pinpoint some of the reasons I have been edgy. tense. frustrated. but…

I. don’t. like. feeling. this. way.

Sure, we all have “those days” where we might feel like we are losing our minds, or want to shout out some explicative.

But the truth is, I need a new cuss word.  I’m tired of the standards.

I need to clean my mouth out with soap.  Seriously.

My new word will be “Blast”.  

It sounds less angry, but yet can be said with enough emotion to fully express my feelings.

For those of you who read this blog and interact with me enough to hear my speak, and occasionally often drop a cuss word, please keep me accountable to say only “Blast”.  Thank you.

I also need to clean my sink.  It is grimy.

I feel better when my sink is clean.

I also need to give up trying to control things.
Relax.  Live in the mess for a bit.  It can be cleaned up later…

Control, or rather what I can’t control, is the root of my angry negative energy.

I can’t control what happens in the world. accidents. mistakes. or other peoples’ anger. actions. annoyances. accolades.

I can’t control my kids.  If they freak out and throw a fit on the floor, screaming and crying and yelling. I can’t do much to quiet them down before the neighbors hear and wonder, “What’s going on at that house?”  But I can close the windows, wait for them to calm down, and spare the neighbors.

At least I can control my sink and its cleanliness…

So much of this world is out of control.
God is in control.  So why do I fret?

I have trust issues.  I am human…
and sometimes I just need a break from my own humanity… 

As much as I would love to write only happy, positive energy blogs…
That’s just not my reality.

I need to be honest.
This has been a hell of a month for me and my attitude.
Seriously, I wondered a few times if I was losing it.

Yet I know, when I am in a place of “negative energy”, God is working in me. molding me. refining me.  Proverbs 3:1-8.
It comes back to trust.  
I choose to trust God.  Even if I have to surrender over. and over. and over again. 
And I might as well clean my sink while I’m working on surrendering.

Is your sink clean?

How is your attitude?

What or Who are you trusting in these days?

Growing Prayers

Lately, I have been even more overwhelmed by how much I love our 3 wee Babs.

they make me laugh.  they make me cry.  they teach me.  they stretch me.  they amaze me.

i am freaking out that very soon i will have an eight year old...

i am still telling them everyday that they are not allowed to grow anymore…

but they don’t listen… 😉 they have to grow.  we all do.  it’s impossible to go on living without growing.

but how are we growing?  that is the important question…

without growth, we die…

and without death, we can’t truly… fully… completely… wholly… live. John 12:24-26

dying… growing… means we are truly living… Philippians 1:21

we are filled with such joy ~ the joy of our wee Babs growing… In Him.
In Prayer…  

Soleil has had answered prayers…

Most of the time Soleil prays silently… last week, her friend was having some pain at school and told her about it.  Later that day, her friend told her, “Soleil I don’t have any pain anymore!”  Soleil responded, “That’s because I prayed for you”.  

Last weekend, we were spending some family time at a friends cabin.  I was searching thru the drawers to find the matches, so we could make a campfire.  Right after I found them, Soleil said, “I just prayed that you would find them.”  

Salem has grown more in his gift of praying for others and for himself... 

“Dear God, please be with me.  Help me to have a great day.  Put your angels above me.  In Jesus Name, Amen.”  

When I was sick with an on-going sore throat last month, I asked Salem to pray for me.  He put his hand on my throat and said, “Dear God, please heal mommy and make her throat all better.  In Jesus Name, Amen.” The next day my sore throat was completely gone.

Selah has started praying out loud… and reminding us to pray if we forget… She’ll say, “Pray, Pray!”

She bows her head, folds her hands and says, “Dear Gawd, mommy go night-night.  daddy go night-night.  sissy go night-night.  bubba go night-night.  amen.”

At meal time she says, “Dear Gawd, sissy eat, bubba eat, mommy eat, daddy eat.  amen.” 

I am so grateful that our wee Babs teach us.  Lord, continue to teach us all how to pray…

“Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name.  Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.  Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.  And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.”          Matthew 6:9-13