Category: Parenting

i don’t wanna to be a mom anymore…

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at times, it hits me…
i don’t wanna be a mom anymore.
i’m weary, discouraged and tired of the stress that envelopes the calling of parenting.

hmmm, this might be kinda hard news to break to my 3 kids and husband…

so, i’m stuck with being mom. 

do i really have a choice, anyway?

well, yes.
one day i can decide i don’t wanna be a mom anymore and walk out, leaving my kids and husband, to live MY life, right?
yes.
or… i can decide i am going to choose joy in being a mom and keep choosing joy in the midst of the stress, discouragement and disappointment.
YES!

today i am writing this from a place of healing and the reality of how i feel at times.
there are days, sometimes weeks and months when the stress of parenting, along with other stress in life becomes overwhelming. 
even menial tasks seem like a mountain to be conquered…
making their meals, doing the dishes, doing the laundry, brushing their teeth, giving them baths and caring for my kids proves difficult. 
i begin to think it would be easier to just lay in bed all day…
i long for their 8pm bedtime, and it’s only 5:30pm… 
sure, there are those days…
if i am honest, those times suck.. but thankfully they don’t last forever. 
thankfully, i can honestly say i am grateful to be a mom and my kids bring me great joy!

we are a creation living within a world of choice.
we have a choice what to think about with our minds.
we have a choice what to do with our bodies.
we have a choice how to feel with our hearts.
we have a choice how to believe with our souls.
everyday we have choice, and everyday our kids have a choice.
we can guide our children to make good choices.
we can give consequences for their not so great choices.
we can guide, but can’t control every single one of our kids actions and reactions, anymore than God can control our actions and reactions.
we can choose to nurture our children and teach them in the ways of the Lord.

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord… Fathers {and mothers}, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
{Ephesians 6:1-4}






i have complained to the Lord of my anger and shared with Him my woes.
i have cried for relief from the hurt and pain that children can cause their parents. 
i have repented for the hurt i can cause my children.
i have sought the Lord for His wisdom on every aspect of parenting.
i have been honest with the Lord from the depths of my soul. 




God can handle our wide range of emotions and the depths of our transparency.

honesty with God brings healing and refuels our hope.  


although it is not always easy, i choose…
joy in the midst of parenting stress and life mess.
to remain grounded in God’s Word, hearing His truth for my life and for the lives of our 3 children.
to mourn disappointment and discouragement and loss.
to let go of my anger and frustrations.
to let go of bitterness and resentment.
to be thankful in all circumstances.
to pray over our children and love the heck out of them, even in the face of their disobedience.
for my patience to outweigh their impatience.
thankfully, God patiently loves the heck out of me in my disobedience!
and let’s face it – as parents – we don’t know what the heck we are doing most of the time anyway.

i choose God. 
i choose Worship and Praise.
i choose surrender.
i choose His ways not my ways. 
i choose to trust when i don’t understand…
and i choose to never. give. up. hope.

maybe you have felt this way? whether the situation be about your children, your job, your relationships, or anything else, what do you choose? please feel free to share! 

In Him, Leslie 

coffee thoughts.

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the other day salem announces – “if i had three hands, i could play even more video games!”
this was clue number 341 alerting us salem might – just might – be addicted to video games.
aaaand he’s only 6 years old.
intervention needed immediately.


“mommy, can we watch something?”
“mommy, when can we watch something?”
“mommy, can we pick something to watch?”
“mommy, can we each pick something to watch today?”

“whhhaaaatttt??? stop asking me about watching t.v.!”

later that day, after several rounds of not-so-great behavior and over-reactions… i calmly said angrily yelled – we are not watching t.v. or playing any video games tomorrow!

kids (thinking) – what?!? 
did mom just say what i thought she said? 
yep. she said it. 
mom (simultaneously thinking) – why, why, why, why, why – did i do this to myself???
usually, it’s better for mom to have the t.v. on… the kids are sucked in and not fighting or whining.
but isn’t that the wrong approach?
[and no, i’m not against t.v. or video games, all together]
…

so the kids made it through the next day without playing any video games or having the television on… with two exceptions: a half hour episode of martha speaks in the a.m. and charlie brown in the p.m.
now before you give me a pat on the back and a hefty congratulations for being a mom that sets and keeps firm boundaries, i found out after they came home from school, each of them watched a cartoon in their respective classes. i guess because it was friday, movie day at school? i don’t know…
…
what i do know is this:
salem thinks about video games a lot of the time.
selah thinks about dora and diego.
and soleil thinks about barbie movies… or her new favorite show on netflix – d.c. cupcakes.
…
i don’t know about the rest of you, but i have coffee thoughts most of the time…
and adam does too.
this makes for great fun in our life and chit chat.
i am the one responsible for adams addiction to coffee.
he never knew good coffee until he started drinking with me.
he rarely drank coffee at all until knowing me.
i am so proud.
most of the time, when we are planning when and where to go somewhere, the first part of our planning process is – when and where will we have our coffee?

coffee is an integral part of our everyday life.
we look forward to our coffee everyday.
and this begs the question – does God really care about our $4 mocha?
yes. to a point.
we love coffee, but we don’t think about it more than God and His desires.
* we love coffee * but we can live without it.
…
what do you spend your time thinking of?
our thought patterns begin at a young age.
right now, our kids spend much of their time thinking of t.v., movies and video games…
but we know they can live without these things.
recently, we have had more days with less t.v. and video games swirling in the background.
this has been refreshing and wonderful.
there has been less sibling conflict.
there has been more communication.
and creativity and laughter have flourished.
…
our minds can be filled up all day long with whatever silliness, seriousness, selfishness, shallowness, or  simplicity.
my greatest desire is to fill my mind, my heart and my body with God’s Word and Worship…
after my first cup of coffee, preferably 😉
…
What do you desire to fill up with?

*thank you for reading 🙂 feel free to share and follow our blog! as always… these half written records are to be continued…
In Him, Leslie

kick the box.

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on Sunday we went to church…
I worshipped, experienced God’s presence, taught in children’s ministry, and had some fellowship.
then we left church, drove our one-minute commute around the corner, came back home…
aaaaaaand then… i had a meltdown.
…
the kids were whining.
the dog was annoying.
cold symptoms were lingering.
my patience was thinning.
…
I’m hungry!
I lost my Lego!
I can’t carry everything!
I wanna watch a movie!
I wanna play Mario!
I wanna let the dog back inside!
bitch – moan – gripe – complain – blah – blah – blah.
yes, even the Pastors kids act up. shocker.
fighting, arguing, dogs’ water splashing, mom. spiraling. losing. control…
I can’t take it anymore!!!
…
*blink blink* uh oh. mom’s pissed. silence fills the room.
the kids were quiet.
i went downstairs.
and kicked the crap out of an empty box in the garage.
…
now before you freak out and think ‘she has iiii-ssues’, i will be the first to admit – i do. 
i have anger issues. i lose my temper. i over-react.
and you can read about previous temper tantrums here, here and here.
and you will read about more tantrums that are sure to fill my future, if you continue following my awesome blog. *yes, this a plug* you should follow my blog.

and i digress… nothing new.
but this is not about ‘how can i keep from becoming angry and losing it’?
the real question is…what triggered my outburst?
routine. boredom. comfort.
same old-same old. day in-day out. nothing changing. nothing new happening.
i am called to something more… something different… something new…
…
there is a line of thought which celebrates – ‘hooray for routine’! 
routine is best for kids. you need to set up a schedule.
get more organized. develop a chore chart.
your life needs more balance.
ugh. i hate, loath, detest the word balance. i have been known to use that word on several occasions and when i catch myself saying it, i have to stop and re-phrase.
life is not about balance.
a balanced life suggests everything is in sync, in order, just right, perfect.
guess what? perfection doesn’t exist. 
routine is defined as a detailed course of action to be followed regularly; a standard procedure. a set of mechanically performed procedures or activities.
well guess what? i am not a robot.
routine is o.k. for my workout plan, but not for my life.
screw routine.
…
and this past Sunday, after my lil’ meltdown – after i kicked the crap out of the box in the garage – i came upstairs and laid on my bed for a few moments. gathered my thoughts and became a better mom. i talked with the kids. talked with Adam when he got home from church. and have since then changed things up. 

God gently showed me ~ in His great kindness and mercy ~ these routines have taken root in my day to day and become bad habits. for me. for the kids. for our family life.
***
God is creative! He is always moving, working, growing, renewing, restoring, changing, on and on and on and on and on… for our good.
I want to live life in His image ~ as a new creation! Second Corinthians 5:17 says, “Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”
Life with Christ is an adventure. 
it is never boring. never comfortable. never routine.

on a recent car commercial i heard this quote. i tweaked it (adding the ‘on the dreams of’ part) and love it.
Inspiration dances on the dreams of the daring. 
***
my suggestion? dream with God. be daring. take risks. get worked up. screw routine. make a change. and if you need an extra wake – up, maybe you need to kick the box.

santa claus, the tooth fairy and the chippendales

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the truth is, one of my biggest pet peeves on this earth is… [insert drum roll here]
lying.
…
skirting around the issue. 
beating around the bush.
fudging the details.
liar liar pants on fire.
yep. all of the above.
…
growing up, my parents were always honest with me and taught me the value of honesty.
they trusted me and i knew that trust was a gift. so thankful.
when i was around 9 years old, i stole a piece of gum from the local market.
my mom knew it. i tried to hide it with a lie. 
but there was no denying. i was caught blowing a bubble.
i felt remorse for my actions. 
sure. it wasn’t that big of a deal to take a 5 cent piece of gum… or was it?
it was about more than simply obeying the 9th commandment. 
for me, that *sweet pink sugary bubble gum* was a game changer.
…
fast forward 18 years and P.A. and i became parents for the first time.
we had always valued honesty as individuals and in our marriage… but now…
as parents, we were suddenly thrown into the tempting world of ‘lying to our children’.

‘when does santa claus come to town?’
‘how much money will the tooth fairy bring me?’
‘do cats go to heaven?’
‘mommy, what are chippendales?’ 

suddenly opportunities to lie abound around every corner. 
at what age do we tell our kids ‘santa claus’ doesn’t exist?
how many lose teeth go under the pillow before they figure out the ‘tooth fairy’ is really dad?
what do we say after the cat died during thanksgiving break?…and how do we explain what a ‘chippendale’ is?
 …
last thanksgiving, we went out of town to visit my family in Oklahoma. we left our cat *clancy marie* at home, and a friend came over to check on her. clancy was an older cat. we had thought about ‘what if she dies while we’re gone?’ sure enough, she did. 
when we came home, we found her. it was late. the kids were tired and ready to come inside the house. after all, we had just returned from a 16 hour road trip.
what better time to break the bad news?!
we wasted no time.
‘sorry kids, clancy has died.’
simple. short. to the point.
we said good-bye and daddy buried our sweet clancy marie.
then we came inside and talked thru how everyone was feeling as we prepared for bed that night.
you might have guessed- our kids know that santa claus and the tooth fairy aren’t real. and now they know what chippendales are.

we love the show Amazing Race. we watch it as a family on Sunday nights. this season there is a team of friends who are chippendales. we knew the question would come- ‘mommy, what are chippendales?’
…

the truth is…
you’re never too young to know the truth.
in fact, if we are grounded in truth as kids, we will grow up with a stronger foundation of truth.
it’s not just about being a ‘moral person’ or checking the 9th commandment off your list of things to do.
it’s about developing a lifestyle of truth.
it’s the need for an epidemic of honesty to break out. and break all the lies we believe.
it’s about raging against a culture of facades.
television, movies, books, magazines, facebook – they are all stories. some true, but most false.
most are a perception of truth over shadowed by a curtain of fluff.



it is what it is. and 

if it’s not true, it is false.
…
above all, we want our lives to be rooted in truth. God’s truth.
and we desire to instill the value of honesty in our kids.
the truth can hurt. but the lies {even the little ones, meant to do no harm} can hurt more.
lying can breed sin.

‘Gah! are you saying that telling our kids that santa and his elves bring gifts to good boys and girls is a sin?’
no. but start with the little things.
‘sorry kids, life isn’t fair.’
‘sorry kids, i don’t know the answer.’ 
as parents, there is a freedom in telling our kids we don’t know everything.
but we do know santa isn’t real.
sorry kids. he’s not the reason for this season.
‘Gah! well, now you’re just ripping away imagination and fun from their childhood and Christmas!’
no. we’re teaching them the truth. 
don’t worry, our kids still have plenty of creativity and imagination. 
and it’s rooted in truth.
…
start young. share truth. break lies.
life is a gift santa claus can’t give.
Jesus is the only life giver. Jesus is truth.
He is the greatest gift we could ever receive.
the way. the truth. the life.

monster house.

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as parents we are called to love, protect, teach, nurture, guide and correct our children.
this week as parents, we loved our wee babs with tickles, cuddles and affirming words…
we nurtured their hurts, clarified their questions, and helped guide their decisions…  
we corrected unruly behavior and taught them to make wise choices…  
and this week as parents, we protected. we protested. we were proud. and we prayed.
we protected our kids from a black hairy googly-eyed spider. sure, it was only a quarter of an inch long. but it was a spider. *hooray* exclaimed our kids ~ mom and dad saved the day! 
we protested after our 3rd grader saw the movie monster house at school.
{what? you protested a silly little kids cartoon movie?}
why yes. we did. 

today the whole school watched monster house after returning from their fall field trip.  
p.a. called the school and talked to the principal, who was apologetic. he asked why this movie was shown without parental consent?  it’s rated pg {ahem. that stands for ‘parental guidance’}.
call us overprotective. call us prudes. call us crazy. we don’t care. 
while some might think this is an overreaction, we are taking action.
nope. we’re not going to file a lawsuit. that would be *ridiculous*.
however, we do hope that next time a movie with no educational purpose is shown during school hours, paid for with our tax dollars, we will know ahead of time and have a right to keep our child out of school for the ‘movie time’ without being counted as an absence if we do not approve of said movie.
yes that was meant to be a run-on sentence. thank you for reading.
the point is:
we are not trying to be holier-than-thou-pastor-parents.
we are called to protect our kids.
the school is not going to do that for us. culture is not going to do that for us.
it is our parental job to protect.
so. we choose to use our parental right to protect our kids from certain media.
and we expect to get a note ahead of time the next time said media is going to be shown at school.
this week as parents, we were proud.
when the movie began, soleil was immediately uncomfortable. she also noticed another classmate who seemed to be shaking and physically scared by the movie.  she went to her teacher and explained her feelings. she was given the option to turn her chair around and read. 
i wish we could’ve just come to the school and picked her up.
we were so proud soleil spoke up.
and this week as parents, we prayed. 
we know we can’t control everything every second of the day about our kids. especially while they are in school or any other time they are away from us. 
so we pray. 
we pray over them everyday.
we know we can’t make decisions for them, 
but we can influence.
our home is our training ground for life. 
it’s our base camp for tackling situations that arise.
it’s our headquarters for problem-solving.
home is where we teach, train and take-to-heart the truth.
…
we choose to follow Jesus as the Way, the Truth and the Life.
The living Word of God.
The Bible is our root, our foundation, of truth.
…
when we teach our kids to think about ‘whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable…’ as in Philippians 4:8, there are very few movies that fall into that category.  there is so much media [even media deemed *kid friendly* that is contrary to those things].
we are humbled to love, protect, teach, nurture, guide and correct our wee babs.
this is our calling as parents. 
we are honored to have this job.
and this week we are *proud* of a job well done.