i don’t wanna to be a mom anymore…

at times, it hits me…
i don’t wanna be a mom anymore.
i’m weary, discouraged and tired of the stress that envelopes the calling of parenting.

hmmm, this might be kinda hard news to break to my 3 kids and husband…

so, i’m stuck with being mom. 

do i really have a choice, anyway?

well, yes.
one day i can decide i don’t wanna be a mom anymore and walk out, leaving my kids and husband, to live MY life, right?
or… i can decide i am going to choose joy in being a mom and keep choosing joy in the midst of the stress, discouragement and disappointment.

today i am writing this from a place of healing and the reality of how i feel at times.
there are days, sometimes weeks and months when the stress of parenting, along with other stress in life becomes overwhelming. 
even menial tasks seem like a mountain to be conquered…
making their meals, doing the dishes, doing the laundry, brushing their teeth, giving them baths and caring for my kids proves difficult. 
i begin to think it would be easier to just lay in bed all day…
i long for their 8pm bedtime, and it’s only 5:30pm… 
sure, there are those days…
if i am honest, those times suck.. but thankfully they don’t last forever. 
thankfully, i can honestly say i am grateful to be a mom and my kids bring me great joy!

we are a creation living within a world of choice.
we have a choice what to think about with our minds.
we have a choice what to do with our bodies.
we have a choice how to feel with our hearts.
we have a choice how to believe with our souls.
everyday we have choice, and everyday our kids have a choice.
we can guide our children to make good choices.
we can give consequences for their not so great choices.
we can guide, but can’t control every single one of our kids actions and reactions, anymore than God can control our actions and reactions.
we can choose to nurture our children and teach them in the ways of the Lord.

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord… Fathers {and mothers}, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
{Ephesians 6:1-4}

i have complained to the Lord of my anger and shared with Him my woes.
i have cried for relief from the hurt and pain that children can cause their parents. 
i have repented for the hurt i can cause my children.
i have sought the Lord for His wisdom on every aspect of parenting.
i have been honest with the Lord from the depths of my soul. 

God can handle our wide range of emotions and the depths of our transparency.

honesty with God brings healing and refuels our hope.  

although it is not always easy, i choose…
joy in the midst of parenting stress and life mess.
to remain grounded in God’s Word, hearing His truth for my life and for the lives of our 3 children.
to mourn disappointment and discouragement and loss.
to let go of my anger and frustrations.
to let go of bitterness and resentment.
to be thankful in all circumstances.
to pray over our children and love the heck out of them, even in the face of their disobedience.
for my patience to outweigh their impatience.
thankfully, God patiently loves the heck out of me in my disobedience!
and let’s face it – as parents – we don’t know what the heck we are doing most of the time anyway.

i choose God. 
i choose Worship and Praise.
i choose surrender.
i choose His ways not my ways. 
i choose to trust when i don’t understand…
and i choose to never. give. up. hope.

maybe you have felt this way? whether the situation be about your children, your job, your relationships, or anything else, what do you choose? please feel free to share! 

In Him, Leslie 


2 thoughts on “i don’t wanna to be a mom anymore…

  1. Anonymous says:

    I really enjoyed this entry and the honesty contained within it. I greatly admire people who are honest in sharing the not-so-perfect sides of life. Be blessed, Mrs. B.


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