Category: God

weeping may endure, but joy comes in the mourning.

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A familiar visitor came to my house…
I was faced with feelings I didn’t want to have.
The desire to turn numb, to stop caring, to give up…
Silently those feelings crept into my heart.
Discouraged, depressed, disgusted…
Everything turned ugly. 
Anger and irritation toward Adam and the children took the helm of my attitude.
Words exchanged between Adam and I, clanged in my ears…
My children’s inquisitive nature became an annoyance…
Their crafts on the table infuriated me.

Their messy faces from playing in the dirt outside overwhelmed me. 
Their petty fights sounded like a world war. 

My mind raced with angry thoughts and questions…
<>
…
I was overwhelmed, overtaken, overcome by the ugliness I perceived as reality.
Depression had come to my door, let itself in, and settled down for a visit. In my kitchen.
NO!
I had to tell it to “Get the hell out!”
I recognized the familiar symptoms of pain and despair early on.
As those feelings clung onto me with their last effort, I took a moment to call out the depression for what it was, and began healing.

I went on a walk, and waves of weeping came.
A while later, I went downstairs to lift weights and I wept more. while I was trying to lift weights.
I was on my face.
I could not stop weeping… and I did not want to.
The Holy Spirit began to overwhelm, overtake and overcome me.
As the depression tried clinging to my spirit with one last effort, the weeping washed it away.
As the tears ran down my face, I could see more clearly.
I began to see Truth.
…
It could have been much worse.
I have been there before.
When despair and anger take up a chair at my kitchen table and stay a while longer. 
When the feelings become my reality for longer than a few moments.
When the whole day is spent crying and frustrated.
When the floor of my car is covered in kleenex at my feet, and I blow my nose so much, my nose ring falls out. 
Those times are hard. They are really tough.
And I’ve been there.
But I don’t have to stay there. And neither do you.
…
One thing I have asked of the Lord is to see. 
To see things like He does.
To see people like He does.
Including myself.
He loves me so much.
He loves this world so much.
He is breaking my heart for the people He loves. the things He loves.
When my eyes are focused on seeing Him, He will move me to weep for the people He weeps for, and for the things He weeps for, even more than myself.
He will move me to pray for the people and for the things He loves.
He will restore my Joy.
And I will not be silent.
I will be honest about the weeping, and sing praise thru the depression, as my Joy returns.
And I will say, “O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever.”
…
Have you struggled with depression?
I’ve been there.
I’ve seen my joy returned.
And I know He can restore your joy too.
Praying for your journey… feel free to share.

In Him, Leslie

Psalm 30:5b “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning…” 
Psalm 30:11-12 “…You have turned my mourning into dancing; You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, to the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever.” 

sex and money.

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sex. and money.

i can’t seem to get these two things off my mind.

i’m obsessed with sex and money…

how they are interlocked interconnected intertwined.

their union haunts me. burdens me. motivates me.

distorted destructive detrimental.

sex and money united together destroys lives.

why?
 
money {+} human trafficking. slavery. strip clubs. brothels. sex boxes. prostitution. peep shows. porn. magazines. romance novels. shades of grey… {=} destruction.
 
sex {within these terms} needs money to thrive. 
they keep funding and feeding each other.
it’s a disturbing cycle where one perpetuates the other.
sex and money were never meant to have intercourse with each other.
sex and money were never meant to become ONE.
never never never never…
but sex and money have taken a romp in the sack together and made a bunch of porn babies.

it’s an epidemic. the desire which gives into the money exchanged for the demand of sex.

which came first? 
the chicken or the egg? 
the pole dancer or the person paying for the dance?
the prostitute or the person paying for the sex?
the sex box or the person driving thru?
the magazine, the romance novel, the shades of grey… or the person reading it?
the trafficked person or the people who ‘own them’?

God created sex. Sin entered in. Sex and money were united. An epidemic was born.

…

sex and money are good separately.
sex within marriage is good.
money within proper boundaries of spending and saving is good.
sex and money together are distorted. they should never. go. together. ever. ever. ever.

seriously.

…

i pray our eyes will be opened to one of the most damaging unions {sex and money} facing our world today.

this epidemic is not hopeless.

Jesus was born. Jesus rescues. Jesus redeems. Jesus restores. Jesus renews. 

i pray we will do something. change something. say ‘no’. look away. it starts with our choices…

the soft porn also known as magazines… they line every bookstore shelf, welcome you into every grocery store aisle, and cover your door step with every subscription.
the t.v. shows and movies lined with subtle innuendos, coarse words and full on nudity.
the shades of grey in books filling minds with fantasy romance and descriptive sex scenes.
what may seem harmless leads to a disconnection from reality. 
what may seem harmless leads us to lies, believing sex and money can be intertwined.  

what sin has joined together only God can separate. 
no more money in exchange for a magazine.
no more money in exchange for a porn video.
no more money in exchange for a lap dance.
no more money in exchange for a life.

yes. we are suffering from the messy union of sex and money.
what are we going to do about it???
the change needs to happen carefully and with respect. 
what are you doing?
what are you being called to say ‘no’ to?
what are you being led to look away from?
we have a choice to not be controlled by unhealthy sexual desires. 
call out sin for sin. lust for lust. fantasy for fantasy. porn for porn. prostitution for prostitution. 
…
the union of sex and money is a complicated relationship. the only answer is Jesus redeeming this epidemic. the light will expose the dark.
human trafficking, prostitution, pornography… their deep roots need to be uncovered to be understood.
– we need to start somewhere –
we can all do something to help ourselves and help influence others away from being caught in the intercourse of sex and money.
…
there is so much more to say on this subject… i’m just getting this conversation started… it is only half written… until then, please share, comment and join this blog community.

In Him, Leslie

 

pants off!

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This is Salem. 
This is Salem being mad. 
This is Salem staying mad because I was taking his picture.
When Salem was younger… like 5 or 6 years old, instead of the whopping 7 years old he is now… he used to yell “Pants off!” and pull his pants down when he would get really mad.
It’s not hard for him to pull his pants down when he’s mad, because he’s a super skinny kid, and his pants are usually too big for him 99% of the time. 
I have tried to remedy this problem by dressing him in 3T clothing.
Really? a 6 year old wearing size 3 Toddler? 
Yes. a mom’s got to do what a mom’s got to do. 

We used to laugh when he yelled “Pants off!” because we are a sometimes childish family. 
And it is hilarious. 
“Salem, put your pants back on… Let’s talk about what’s upsetting you.”
He’s probably been frustrated his pants have never fit right.
When we are angry, we can feel out of control. 
So we yell out ridiculous things like “Pants off!” to control our feelings and the situation.
Why does he choose this way of expressing his anger?
I’m not 100% sure…, but it might have something to do with his nickname being “Mr. Pants” when he was a baby.
I used to call him “Mr. Pants” all the time.

Salem usually talks thru his anger within a reasonable amount of time. 
If he’s not saying “Pants off!” when he’s upset, he might instead declare, “I’m not wearing a seat belt! or “I’m not going to school ever again!”
Let’s face it, kids and adults find themselves getting angry at times. 
How do we deal with the anger? 
That’s a learned -sometimes complicated- answer. 
It has to be modeled and taught.
(Hopefully, Salem won’t need years of counseling to work thru these issues when he’s older.)
…
We are a family who loves to laugh. 
We also are open to crying, if need be.
In fact, my kids tell me I look and sound the same whether I’m laughing hysterically, or crying hysterically.
They can hardly tell the difference.
What can I say… my capability to display a range of emotions at any given moment keeps them on their toes. 
It’s a spiritual gift 😉

Our family thrives on Joy and laughter!
We laugh at ourselves and each other…
We help each other see the joy in all circumstances…
We help each other see things aren’t usually as serious as we make them.
We help each other recognize ~ life is short and we need to spend less time being angry… and more time loving and laughing!

Depending on the kid (or adult) and their personality, there are various healthy ways to handle anger.

Sometimes I am not the best example of how to handle anger…
I try and fail. and try again.
and fail again. 
This may sound simple, but…
The more I press in to God, the less angry I am.
I can *see* more clearly the issues that will potentially trigger my anger, and prepare myself to have a healthier response.

The more I seek God, the more I find Him.
and when I find Him, the anger melts away.  

So I press into God for myself…
I press into God for my marriage…
and I press into God for our kids…

I cover them in prayer, and if they become angry and yell “Pants off!”, I laugh.
…
What are the anger issues you or your child face?
How do you handle them?
Please share and thanks for reading!
In Him, Leslie

What the *Pastors Kids* are doing in church…

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Today was like any other, every other Sunday.
Every other Sunday I lead worship, and Pastor daddy brings the kids to church.
On the every other Sundays, “Mommy, are you doing worship today?”
“No, I’m taking you to church.”
We have breakfast, do a few chores, take our Sunday baths, and we’re on our way for our super long, three minute commute, around the corner to church. And usually, we are a few minutes late, which is ridiculous. But, it happens people. Every other Sunday.

We stroll up to the front row, because that’s where Pastor daddy sits and we want to sit with him 🙂
I jump right into worship, both literally and figuratively. {I’m a jumper for Jesus.}
Now, there’s nothing magical about sitting in the front row of a church service, but there is more room.
To jump.
To spin.
To twirl.
To do the splits…
which is what my 3.5 year old dearest daughter was doing this morning, in church.
While we love having kids in our church services, we draw the line at gymnastics while the band is playing “Furious”.

I’m focused on Jesus, from the moment I enter the worship circle…
A few lines into the first song –
my darling 7 year old begins asking, “How many more songs are there, mommy? When will go to class? Will Kyle and Owen be here today?”
After whispering a few million answers, I’m focused again – my hands are raised, my voice is praising and my eyes are closed… until I get hit with a flip flop.
My 7 year old has decided to make a game of “go fetch” with his sister, throwing his crocs and her flip flops toward the stage.
Whoa now, little PK’s. 
You may think you can do whatever you want in church, but sorry – no – this momma’s gotta set some boundaries.
“What are boundaries?” my 3.5 year old asks when I tell her she can’t do the splits during worship anymore.
“Ummm… never mind.”

As worship continues, for a while {because we are a church that loves to worship!} I sit down and take a breather.
I sneak a peek over to my 9 year old. Her eyes are on the screen, she’s focused and learning to worship.
I am holding the 3.5 year old and scared to look over and see what my 7 year old is now up too.
*Sigh* it’s nothing too crazy – he’s reading the words on the screen and only asking me, “Mommy – what does F-U-R-I-O-U-S spell?”  
A few moments later, he’s in some frog-like fetal position asking me [for the billionth time] “When are we going to class?”
“I don’t know, buddy.” [but it sure can’t start soon enough for me!]

Worship is winding down, we pray over our kids before they go off to their classes [hallelujah], and –Oh snap– I still have my 3.5 year old, who refuses to go to her class, with me.
I try taking her {again} into class and she won’t have it.
(Well, you could just make her go.) 
No, no. You don’t understand. She won’t have it. 

But that’s okay, there is much purpose in this…
So we’ll make the best of it, and try to sit thru daddy’s sermon without making too much ruckus.

A few coloring pages, a super tiny nap, and a donut later, the service is winding down.
Whew. We made it through without any major meltdowns.
Miracles still happen, people. Trust me, they do.
We stay and chat for a while after service and I hear from several people, both visitors and regular attenders, how much it meant for them to see our kids acting crazy normal in church.
Our PK’s are ministering to people with their antics, their actions and their attitudes. 
…
It’s pretty amazing, if you think about it.
God uses the smallest people -*kids*- to minister to adults. 
His Kingdom is coming in a way that will upset the wisdom of this world.
It will be unexpected, unpredictable, underestimated and mis-understood.
His Kingdom is most clearly seen thru the eyes of a child.
We must position ourselves, as children, to *see* how God is moving and what He will do.
…
As we left church today, our 3 PK’s surprised our socks off again -except that I wasn’t wearing any socks today- but you get the picture.
In the van, on the way home, during our super long three minute commute ~ and all throughout the afternoon ~ they were singing, “Your love never fails, it never gives up, it never gives out on me…” over and over again.

When you think they aren’t listening, they hear.
When you think they aren’t watching, they see.
When you think they don’t understand, they do.

Worship is coming unto Jesus ~ just as a child. 
Trust. Surrender. Obey. 
Then we will *see* His Kingdom Come.

“At the that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who then is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” Then Jesus called a little child to Him, set him in the midst of them, and said, “Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will be no means enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me.” {Matthew 18:1-5 NKJV} 
…
Kids can be ridiculous, but so can adults. We have much to learn from them. I’d love to hear your stories of kids who have ministered to you. Please feel free to share, comment and follow our stories!
In Him, Leslie

quitting church

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Hello. I’m Leslie.
I’m a Pastors wife and a Worship leader…
and I’m quitting church. 
…

The Pastor thinks he’s Superman…
The other Worship Leader sings all the wrong songs.
The Youth Pastor is a punk.
The Associate Pastor is too happy.
The Children’s Director has the gall to ask me to serve in the Children’s ministry.
The building is too cold, the lights are too dim, the sound is too loud, the coffee is too bitter, the parking lot too small, the chairs are too pink, the walls are too tan, the greeters are too friendly, and the rest of the people are not friendly enough.

so. I’m quitting church.

It’s too hard. 
It’s too time consuming.
It’s too messy.
It takes too much effort.
It’s too emotionally draining and heartbreaking.

So. I’m quitting church.

Great! Now my Sunday mornings will be free to go shopping*. 

(*Sarcasm emphasized)
***
Sometimes quitting church seems like easier thing to do… the popular thing to do.







In any church community, of any shape-size-or denomination, we can always find a reason to focus on what is not meeting our expectations… perhaps causing some to quit church. 



In fact, this past Sunday, September 15th was National Back-to-Church Sunday.
Wow.
So many statistics are showing people are quitting church by the masses.
I enjoy reading church leadership articles, from a variety of sources.
Much of what I read leans toward the decline of the American church in morality, and also in attendance… yet other articles cry the opposite.

Apparently, we needed to schedule a Sunday {besides Christmas and Easter, of course} to go back-to-church…
I love the idea of a back-to-church Sunday and the focus to invite people to church…
But it’s so much more than a one-Sunday-fix.

***
The church is full of broken people ~ and we are all in desperate need of a Savior.

The church is messy.
The church will disappoint.
The church will fail.
and I’ll write it again… 
The church is messy.
The church will disappoint.
The church will fail.

However, Jesus never fails. 
He uses imperfect people for His divinely perfect purposes.
It sounds crazy. And it is crazy.
Jesus doesn’t need us ~ but He chooses us ~ and He wants to use us, His church.
To reach the people who are broken and dying, living without Christ, in this messed up world.
From the inside of our hearts ~ to the inside of our homes ~ and to the ends of the Earth…
He needs us ~ His people, His Disciples, to rise up, reclaim our voice, and be who He has called us to be ~ His church.

So whether you’ve just quit church, just returned to church, just started visiting a new church, or have never left church… don’t give up on church.
Jesus loves His Church ~ His Bride. 

And regardless of how much we mess church up, we can be sure of one thing – God is in control.
He is moving.
He is working.
He is shaking.
He is stirring.
He is rescuing.
He is restoring.
He is redeeming.
He is renewing.

The story is already said and done.
Jesus is coming back for His Church.
We are all invited to be part of the story.
So as tempting as it might be, don’t quit church. 





19 Therefore, brethren, having boldness to enter the Holiest by the blood of Jesus, 20 by a new and living way which He consecrated for us, through the veil, that is, His flesh,21 and having a High Priest over the house of God, 22 let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. 23 Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. 24 And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, 25 not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching. {Hebrews 10:19-25 NKJV}
…
Are you quitting – or committing – to church?

I would love to hear your thoughts from where you are on your journey…
In Him, Leslie