Category: Church

quitting church

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Hello. I’m Leslie.
I’m a Pastors wife and a Worship leader…
and I’m quitting church. 
…

The Pastor thinks he’s Superman…
The other Worship Leader sings all the wrong songs.
The Youth Pastor is a punk.
The Associate Pastor is too happy.
The Children’s Director has the gall to ask me to serve in the Children’s ministry.
The building is too cold, the lights are too dim, the sound is too loud, the coffee is too bitter, the parking lot too small, the chairs are too pink, the walls are too tan, the greeters are too friendly, and the rest of the people are not friendly enough.

so. I’m quitting church.

It’s too hard. 
It’s too time consuming.
It’s too messy.
It takes too much effort.
It’s too emotionally draining and heartbreaking.

So. I’m quitting church.

Great! Now my Sunday mornings will be free to go shopping*. 

(*Sarcasm emphasized)
***
Sometimes quitting church seems like easier thing to do… the popular thing to do.







In any church community, of any shape-size-or denomination, we can always find a reason to focus on what is not meeting our expectations… perhaps causing some to quit church. 



In fact, this past Sunday, September 15th was National Back-to-Church Sunday.
Wow.
So many statistics are showing people are quitting church by the masses.
I enjoy reading church leadership articles, from a variety of sources.
Much of what I read leans toward the decline of the American church in morality, and also in attendance… yet other articles cry the opposite.

Apparently, we needed to schedule a Sunday {besides Christmas and Easter, of course} to go back-to-church…
I love the idea of a back-to-church Sunday and the focus to invite people to church…
But it’s so much more than a one-Sunday-fix.

***
The church is full of broken people ~ and we are all in desperate need of a Savior.

The church is messy.
The church will disappoint.
The church will fail.
and I’ll write it again… 
The church is messy.
The church will disappoint.
The church will fail.

However, Jesus never fails. 
He uses imperfect people for His divinely perfect purposes.
It sounds crazy. And it is crazy.
Jesus doesn’t need us ~ but He chooses us ~ and He wants to use us, His church.
To reach the people who are broken and dying, living without Christ, in this messed up world.
From the inside of our hearts ~ to the inside of our homes ~ and to the ends of the Earth…
He needs us ~ His people, His Disciples, to rise up, reclaim our voice, and be who He has called us to be ~ His church.

So whether you’ve just quit church, just returned to church, just started visiting a new church, or have never left church… don’t give up on church.
Jesus loves His Church ~ His Bride. 

And regardless of how much we mess church up, we can be sure of one thing – God is in control.
He is moving.
He is working.
He is shaking.
He is stirring.
He is rescuing.
He is restoring.
He is redeeming.
He is renewing.

The story is already said and done.
Jesus is coming back for His Church.
We are all invited to be part of the story.
So as tempting as it might be, don’t quit church. 





19 Therefore, brethren, having boldness to enter the Holiest by the blood of Jesus, 20 by a new and living way which He consecrated for us, through the veil, that is, His flesh,21 and having a High Priest over the house of God, 22 let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. 23 Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. 24 And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, 25 not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching. {Hebrews 10:19-25 NKJV}
…
Are you quitting – or committing – to church?

I would love to hear your thoughts from where you are on your journey…
In Him, Leslie


































































































































































why we love having kids in our church service

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I grew up in church, and my family attended the same church my whole childhood.
My parents were married there, and so were Adam and I ~ 16 years ago!
And to this day, my parents still attend that same church.
My brother and I always sat in the service with our parents.
We also went to Sunday school, in between the early and late services.
But during the main service, kids were always by the side, in the lap or at the feet, of their parents.

I can remember many times during church I would fall asleep in my moms lap, because I love sleep.
But on some Sunday’s, I was paying attention…
One Sunday while the preacher was talking about Jesus dying on the cross, I blurted out “Mommy! why didn’t you tell me Jesus died?!”

There was a rumble of laughter in response to my innocent 4 year old question.
There was an acknowledgement that I was listening and hearing what the Preacher was saying.
And there was a sense of pride from my parents knowing I was learning and understanding, in my 4 year old ability, all about Jesus.

A few years later, I am sitting in the same church with my parents, and listening to my mom sing the Doxology, “Praise God from Whom all blessings flow…”
We sang it every Sunday, but this day was different…
As I was listening to my mom sing, I realized – she really believes what she’s singing.
She really loves God.
Her worship was a testimony to me.
And I wanted the same personal relationship with Him.

I wanted to know God for myself, not just because we went to church every Sunday…
not just because my parents loved God, or my friends loved God, or for anything other reason.
I wanted a personal relationship with Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.

To live your life recklessly abandoned to Jesus as your Lord, Savior, Shepherd and King ~ this is no easy task. 
We want this personal relationship with Jesus for our own kids, and for all kids everywhere… 
And this is why we love having kids in our church service. Yes, even the crying ones. the fidgety ones. the nose picking ones. the distracted ones. the shy ones. the diapered ones. and the hyper ones.

Our kids have been sitting with us in church for a while now… and while this can be slightly difficult being the Pastor and Worship Leader, I wouldn’t have it any other way… except on the days when our 3 year old is throwing a huge fit, and flailing herself on the floor, in front of the sanctuary, seconds before the church service is about to start, and I’m about to jump on the stage to lead worship after yelling at her to pull herself together thru my gritting teeth because church is about to start for heaven’s sakes!!! 

On those days, I desperately wish she would go into Children’s Ministry.

We value our kids being in church with us. We offer a wonderful children’s ministry program at our church, and most of the kids go to their respective classes during the service. For a while now, we’ve had the first thru fourth grades stay in worship with us, before going to class for their Bible lesson.

Sometimes after worship, we have a testimony time called God Sightings. This morning, we were absolutely amazed that our 9 year old, Soleil, stood up in front of the church and gave a God sighting. Most people who know Soleil know she is pretty shy, and you have to be a pretty special in order for her to talk to you. She doesn’t give most people the time of day.

This morning, she shared in front of everyone, on the microphone, her testimony ~ she loves to read, and for a while her favorite book series has been Dork Diaries. She shared how a few weeks ago, she realized something ~ although it’s a funny and engaging book series, it has no value. There’s only one book that has true value. The Bible.

Whoa. I couldn’t believe our shy daughter was actually talking on the microphone sharing her heart, with the entire church! 
Slap me silly, I was in shock. And so was Adam, even as he was holding the microphone for her, he couldn’t believe it. 
Soleil had shared that story with us just a few weeks ago. I held it close to my heart, so proud of her understanding of true value. I didn’t share it on Facebook, or tell any friends…, because as Soleil grows older I am learning ~ she needs to tell her own stories. She is finding her voice and will speak it. She is seeking and understanding Truth. And she is growing in her own relationship with Jesus.

Jesus says to come unto Him as a Child… {He-llo. Matthew 18. C’mon somebody, let’s read our Bibles.}

and ya know why?! because sometimes, adults suck at having faith, trusting God and living out the Gospel… but children. Children speak the truth with no filter, and they know how to live their lives with reckless abandon. Adults, let’s step it up and help teach them and guide them… to give their trust and faith to the One who will Love them more than any other person, place or thing in this world ~ Jesus. 
And adults, let’s learn from our kids. Their lives have such value and they know true value, probably better than we do. 

We could not be more proud of Soleil… and all the kids in our church. And this is why we love having kids in our church service! 
…
Have kids impacted your view of God and His Kingdom? Please share!

In Him, Leslie

sometimes we need a pastors conference… and sometimes, we just need to fall apart

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a few weeks ago we returned from an epic trip, visiting family and enjoying the pacific northwest.
after surviving our family vacation time, we traveled onto the great state of california to visit more family, and attend the national vineyard pastors conference in anaheim. 
my heart was full from family time, and my emotions were high with expectation for the conference time awaiting us…  
buuuut… after a trip to the beach, my excitement quickly faded…
and i fell apart…
sometimes moms need to fall apart.
disappointment, frustration, and tiredness had all set in. 
i could feel it growing inside me while we were at the beach. 
i was pissed off while we were at the beach. 
the beach was beautiful, the kids and adam were having a blast, but i was melting down internally.
as we were leaving the beach, i slipped and fell flat. on. my. butt. 
looking back at the scene, it was funny. (and thankfully i can laugh about it now)
but in that moment, i lost it. 
i fell apart. 
i wept from the beach all the way to the pastors conference for nearly 2 hours (while we were driving in heavy los angeles traffic, of course).
the kids were asleep, adam didn’t know what to do with me, or how to help me, and all i could do was weep. 
a pile of kleenex covered my feet on the floor of the car.
i blew my nose so much, my nose ring fell out. 
fall apart. give up. lose control. be selfish. let go.
that’s exactly what i needed to do. 
and in that time of weeping and losing it, i found it… 
God taught me so much thru the hot tears streaming down my cheeks… 
the words i managed to choke out in between sobs, so adam would know i was going to be okay.
i needed the freedom to cry.
and thru those tears, i began to see again.
they washed away my frustration, disappointment and anger.
when the tears subsided, my face was red and swollen, but i could see again. 
they washed away my human expectation and i could see with God’s vision. 
ironic ~ we were on our way to a pastors conference that we had planned for and dreamed about, and all i could do was weep. 
pastors give so much of themselves day in and day out… and the hope was to be poured into at the conference. 
our expectations were so high, they were bound to be disappointed. 






moms often feel that have to keep it all together ~ for the kids, for their spouse, for the sake of the family. 
and pastors carry that same burden ~ for their congregation, for their leaders, for the sake of the church.
but sometimes, we all need to fall apart…

Selah having one of her many meltdowns…



and do note the sign in the background referring to the kids still in the children’s ministry,
“please pick up your children [pretty please with sugar on top]”
isn’t it ironic? 😉 


the pastors conference was tough for our family. 
the kids were homesick. 
the girls wouldn’t go into their classes.
selah threw many a temper tantrum. 
the schedule was busy and time ran thin. 
it was difficult to glean from the conference, while balancing the needs of our family.
but God.
He is so good. 
He taught me so much thru my kids that week…
He showed me so much thru the ‘random’ people we talked with…
He poured into us in ways we never expected.
in our weakness, God is strongest.
in our frailty, God shows His power.
in our disappointments, God reveals His plans.
in our weeping, we let go so God can work.
sometimes we need to attend a pastors conference…
and sometimes, we just need to fall apart.

Thank you for reading~feel free to comment, share and follow us on halfwritten records.
In Him, Leslie 🙂

church ladies

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on sunday night, i was having a chat with a few of our church ladies ~ {aka} ladies who attend our church.
we were gabbing and cackling as typical church ladies do, and eventually the conversation landed on my transparency.

well, thank you very much. i do like to speak the truth, and i am happy to accept that label.

my transparency came up when one of the ladies shared a story about running into our family one saturday evening at a restaurant a few years back, where we were having dinner with a few other church peeps. she and another friend were leaving the restaurant, when we started blabbing about about church the next day, and how during the service we were going to have a “renew your vows” ceremony, blah blah blah. it was near valentines day {another reason for this fabulous idea}. then we said, “see you tomorrow at church”, as we always do to anyone we chat with on a saturday night, because we always expect people to show up to church on sunday morning!

it’s what we do! it’s our job! we’re a pastor and his wife for cryin’ out loud! we expect people to show up at church! 

but here’s the deal-io…

these church ladies didn’t show up at church the next day. they are single gals… and the last place they wanted to be was at a vow renewal ceremony during the church service. tooootally understandable.

now honestly, i don’t remember them not being at the service… but what i do remember is that adam and i renewed our vows that morning, along with a few other couples, and my outfit was awful!

so on this sunday night, i told the church ladies ~ i don’t remember your not being at church that morning, but i do remember my outfit was really weird. and it was. the skirt was too long. the shirt was too red. and the sweater was all wrong. i was also in the skin of my “two months after having my third baby body”, and not fully comfortable even walking down the aisle to renew my vows. not to mention my husband {aka} awesome pastor of the church, was giving the vow renewal ceremony. sooo… he was standing on the stage, while i was awkwardly standing a few steps below him, for most of the ceremony, surrounded by couples holding sweaty hands, foreheads pressed together, looking deep into one another’s eyes.

sure. it was all very romantic. but my outfit was all wrong.

aaaand… if i still had a picture of what i wore, i would post it smack down on this blog.

but i don’t… i’m fairly sure i threw away the picture.

as i shared this outfit dilemma with the church ladies, they started laughing at me and said, “that’s what i love about you ~ your transparency.”

i just smiled and laughed out loud {ya know, LOL}, as i typically do when i make others laugh. i think comedy is one of my spiritual gifts, because even if no one laughs at my comments, jokes, facial expressions, gestures, or hand signals,… i am perfectly content still believing i am hilarious. 
as our conversation(s) went on and on and on, and rabbit trailed all over the place, as any conversation i am involved in will do, we shared more life stories with one another and my heart soared.  i was humbled and honored in my quiet of my soul.

these church ladies choose to share their lives with me.  they love my transparency.

and if i’m really being transparent… then honestly, you should know most of the time i’m thinking ‘i don’t know what the heck i’m doing as a pastors wife.’ but i know i am called by God to do this. so i keep going.

even on the days i get discouraged, on the days i believe lies from the pit of hell, on the days i allow my brain to be so wrapped up in theological thought knots… i keep going.

when God’s sweet whisper and these church ladies remind me…

we love your transparency. 

we serve a God of transparency. He knows all. He searches all. He sees all. He wants all.

He knows me. He searches my heart. He sees right thru me, into my transparency. He wants my transparency.   

i want to leave you with Psalm 39 ~ my prayer is for it to encourage you to be transparent. be who God fully created you to be. if you are unsure, ask God and wait for Him to reveal ~ without comparing to anyone around you physically or virtually. walk in the fullness of who God designed and created you. to. be.


as always, feel free to comment on, follow and share this blog! In Him, Leslie 🙂


Psalm 139

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

1 You have searched me,<sup class="crossreference" value="(A)”> Lord,
    and you know<sup class="crossreference" value="(B)”> me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;<sup class="crossreference" value="(C)”>
    you perceive my thoughts<sup class="crossreference" value="(D)”> from afar.
3 You discern my going out<sup class="crossreference" value="(E)”> and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.<sup class="crossreference" value="(F)”>
4 Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.<sup class="crossreference" value="(G)”>
5 You hem me in<sup class="crossreference" value="(H)”> behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,<sup class="crossreference" value="(I)”>
    too lofty<sup class="crossreference" value="(J)”> for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee<sup class="crossreference" value="(K)”> from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens,<sup class="crossreference" value="(L)”> you are there;
    if I make my bed<sup class="crossreference" value="(M)”> in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,<sup class="crossreference" value="(N)”>
    your right hand<sup class="crossreference" value="(O)”> will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark<sup class="crossreference" value="(P)”> to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;<sup class="crossreference" value="(Q)”>
    you knit me together<sup class="crossreference" value="(R)”> in my mother’s womb.<sup class="crossreference" value="(S)”>
14 I praise you<sup class="crossreference" value="(T)”> because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,<sup class="crossreference" value="(U)”>
    I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made<sup class="crossreference" value="(V)”> in the secret place,
    when I was woven together<sup class="crossreference" value="(W)”> in the depths of the earth.<sup class="crossreference" value="(X)”>
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained<sup class="crossreference" value="(Y)”> for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, God!<sup class="crossreference" value="(AA)”>
    How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,<sup class="crossreference" value="(AB)”>
    they would outnumber the grains of sand<sup class="crossreference" value="(AC)”>—
    when I awake,<sup class="crossreference" value="(AD)”> I am still with you.
19 If only you, God, would slay the wicked!<sup class="crossreference" value="(AE)”>
    Away from me,<sup class="crossreference" value="(AF)”> you who are bloodthirsty!<sup class="crossreference" value="(AG)”>
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
    your adversaries<sup class="crossreference" value="(AH)”> misuse your name.<sup class="crossreference" value="(AI)”>
21 Do I not hate those<sup class="crossreference" value="(AJ)”> who hate you, Lord,
    and abhor<sup class="crossreference" value="(AK)”> those who are in rebellion against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
    I count them my enemies.<sup class="crossreference" value="(AL)”>
23 Search me,<sup class="crossreference" value="(AM)”> God, and know my heart;<sup class="crossreference" value="(AN)”>
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way<sup class="crossreference" value="(AO)”> in me,
    and lead me<sup class="crossreference" value="(AP)”> in the way everlasting.


counting sheep.

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Easter is coming up here soon. in one week and one day to be exact. 
Easter is one of the two Sunday’s when many people visit churches as ECC’s – “Easter & Christmas Churchgoers”, or so the stats say… 
sooo… many of the churches ’round here -in Picktizzytown– are pulling out all the stops and prepping for a full house, lights-camera-action, hit one outta the park, bangin’ Sunday service! 
including advertising additional service times and easter eggs falling from the sky…sorta like “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs” minus the scientist making it happen, but – and of course there is a but – including the news coverage and expecting a large crowd response / uh-hem turnout. 
and we are pulling out the cross. 
and the ‘stations of the cross‘. 
and having a 7a.m. sunrise service. *bonus*.
dang. this chick is sure being critical of the churches in her town…
perhaps it sounds that way, and i will tell you why. 
[they deserve it] 
ha ha. no – for realz…
it’s not that an extra church services or easter egg hunt [with an unprecedented number of eggs] on land are wrong, or a shower of easter eggs falling from the sky is un-biblical… 

you see, eight years ago we began serving in our church as the youth and associate pastor, and me {his awesome wife} as one of the worship leaders.

fast forward a few years and adam became the senior pastor… and shortly afterwards, we became sheep counters. 
we settled into this really bad habit of counting sheep.

not the before you go to bed kind of counting sheep. 
rather, counting the number of sheep in our field -the sheep we were shepherding- the number of sheep in our church kind of sheep. 
and all of sudden we found ourselves competing with the church down the street.
‘i bet such and such church has more people than we do because they have bigger programs and a better parking lot and cooler signs and a hip website and a larger sanctuary and a formal sound system and tastier coffee [well, this one is most likely true] and blah blah blah…’ the list could go on and on.
and… ‘maybe so and so who just left our church now goes to such and such church down the street’. 
ugh. 
you can see this ‘lil bad habit of counting sheep was exhausting the Shepherds… not numerically… but spiritually. 
and we noticed something – this was a sneaky habit – a lie from the enemy, dripping with distraction.
and this was a distraction which focused our hearts more on pleasing man than God.
ugh. and ugly.
many of the regular attenders in our church don’t attend every. single. sunday.
life happens and it’s nearly impossible to have perfect church attendance.
and many of the regular attenders in our church are reading this blog and wondering, ‘is she talkin’ ’bout me?!’ 
please, no worries.
and some, who were regular attenders for a long time, no longer attend. 
again, no worries.
so we counted our sheep, wondering why they did not attend more often, and where did some of them go?
and we would plague ourselves with questions and counting… 
perhaps they grew tired of hearing Adam’s sermons or were irritated with the way I led worship one Sunday, or the songs I chose, or the way I parted my hair that day… or perhaps they were hurt by us, or someone else in our congregation… or perhaps we don’t know why. and this is okay.

does this mean once you visit our church you have to commit to a certain number of years together and sign up to attend all the events, drink the coffee and eat the donuts? no. 
does this mean the people who have left our church are going to hell? hell no!
since our churches birth in the year 2000, many people have entered our creaky glass doors, slobber-stained from our three year olds lips…some have stayed a while, some for a short time and some have walked out those glass doors, never to return again.
…
so if you’re there… we will hopefully notice. and if you’re not there, we will probably notice.
does this make us a horrible pastor / awesome pastors wife combo? no… but it certainly makes us human. 
…
graciously, the Lord turned our hearts affection back to Him alone.
we no longer count our sheep in competition with the church down the street.  
we know who we are called to be as a church and our identity is fully in the Lord Jesus ~ the True Shepherd.
we are counting our sheep because we care for them within our calling to Shepherd them.
…
the grass is not always greener on the other side. 
you have to beg the question ‘where [to which church] are you called?’
you have to listen to the answer with the intent to obey.
it is a continual commitment to consciously commit to Christ. 
and it takes a continual commitment to consciously commit to a church. 
it takes work to get your ass to any church, peeps. and believe you-me, i understand. on the off Sundays when i am not leading worship, i usually stroll in about 10:05am… a little late and a lot irritated with myself for being late. i have no excuse. sure, i have to motivate three small kids to get their rears in gear and get out the door and around the corner for our two-minute commute to church. oh, did i mention we live 1/8 of a mile from our church? and yes, some days we are still late. sad but true.
if you profess to be a follower of Christ, He is calling you to commitment. 
He calls us to commitment to Himself and to His bride ~ the church body. 
our walk with Him is a narrow road, filled with joy and pain, rejection and love, persecution and gain.
it is not so easy, but it is so rewarding.  
…
we want new sheep, not sheep from another field. 
we want committed sheep, not those accustomed to changing fields. 
we want sheep who will know the Shepherds voice. JESUS. 
we want humble sheep who will are willing to be led. 
we want hungry sheep who are called to graze with us.
we desire to see lives changed, new disciples committed to Christ Jesus and His church.
we hope if God has called you to a church, you will commit there and won’t hop around.
we pray you will hear the voice of the Lord and *know* His voice.
we look to see what the Father is already doing and join Him in that work. 
we are hungry for God’s word and want to grow and learn with those who called to our church {field}.
…
there are so many great churches in our town… and there are still so many seats in all of these churches yet to be filled ~ with people yet to hear about Jesus, and know that He loves them and to be committed to a church. 
so, we will not compete. we will commit. 
we will be true to who we are, as a fully human prone-to-mistakes pastor and his fully human {and awesome, also prone-to-mistakes} wife. 
we will pray for and shepherd those people God calls into our church.
we will stay true to who God has called Eastside Vineyard Church to be. 
and we will not have easter eggs falling from the sky. sorry. 
well. not really 😉  
In Him, Leslie 
*please note, this blog is not all-encompassing. nor i am addressing all of the circumstances for every “should i stay or should i go?” from my current church situation. it’s just a piece of our lives in ministry, so far…half written.