*%?@#!* [Explicative / cussing / foul language / bad / harsh words]

C’mon, you all know you’ve said them, thought them,

or at least listened to them.

When I was younger, I thought cussing was “cool”.

Once I incorporated a few choice words into my vocabulary,

I instantly felt “cooler”.

I was culturally relevant.

One day, during my 7th grade year, I was caught saying sh*t on the playground.

I was given the punishment of standing on the sidelines, while the rest of my classmates finished their recess break.

I was a little embarrassed, but really didn’t think it was a big deal that warranted such an unjust punishment.

I used bad words flippantly, off-handedly, carelessly. Cussing was a part of my every day vocab.

Soon after was a time in my life when I thought something called “Perfection” existed… And could be attained. By me.

Ha!

It was hard – every time I wanted to resist the urge to cuss when I was angry, upset or just feeling “cool”, I would slip up.

An explicative would come flying out of my mouth.

Sometimes loudly

Sometimes softly

Sometimes thru a clenched jaw and gritted teeth.

The words just hung there

In space

Floating in the air

Unable to be erased

But not unforgiveable

I believed a lie – if I followed Jesus, I would / could / should work toward perfection – which included no more cussing.

Then after becoming a mom, I discovered new reasons to cuss.  I stubbed my toe on a toy.

The kids are fighting.

I’m stressed out, I’m tired, I’m hungry.

We are running late…again.

Cussing became more complicated when my oldest daughter Soleil (then 2 years old) repeated the ‘F’ word after hearing me say it.

Every time I told her – “don’t say that word, mommy shouldn’t say it either”, she would repeat.

This went on for about 2 weeks, until I stopped bringing as much attention to it.  Thankfully, the ‘F’ word is not a part of her (now seven year old) vocabulary.

My life went on and I am older, wiser, still not perfect and I still cuss from time to time.

But I don’t just want to cuss for the hell of it.

I now have a new appreciation for foul language.

I use my harsh words in prayer, and wield them toward the devil.  There is nothing nice I can say about him.

There are things in this world that are unjust, inhumane, and evil – they need to be called out –

And cussed out.