Marriage as Mates

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HAD2BU

My Grandparents recently celebrated their 65th wedding Anniversary this past December…

That’s 780 months of marriage… Or 23,725 days!!! Wow-zers!!!

And the thing is – they really love each other.  Still… 65 years later.   They Love.

They chose each other.

They didn’t just stick it out for the “sake of the kids”… their 4 children are fully grown with their own kids (like ME!) and grandkids (like the wee Babs).  It’s safe to say that they have been empty-nesters for a while now.

They didn’t just stay married for the hell of it, or because marriage is the “cool” thing to do.  Or because it was easy and like a sunshine fairytale everyday the past 23,725 days…

Nope.  They chose humility, selflessness, teach-ability, willingness, trust, respect, hard work, dedication, commitment and they chose to grow… together.

They met when they were 5 years old, my Grandpa would ride his horse thru wind, snow and rain to visit his one true love, they married at age 19 and now they drive a Lexus with a license plate that says “HAD2BU”. They began their journey as best friends… and still are.

One of the foundations of a Marriage must be Friendship.  Marriage as Mates.

I am so grateful that P.A. is my B.F.F., my Bestie, my Mate!  We kicked it off that way.  We met working together at a Christian bookstore ~ Mardel.  The first time I saw P.A. I laughed at him.  I made fun of his outfit (because he was totally overdressed for his interview) and teased him about his cologne (because it was waaaayyyy too strong).  He was cool with all of this.  We loved laughing together, and could laugh at ourselves – *bonus*!  We loved hanging out together and talking for hours, and on our lunch breaks, after work, on the phone, any chance we could get.  And it hasn’t changed… much.   Now we have to usually talk over the needs of the wee Babs, or save all of our conversation up until the evening time.  But we talk.  We go crazy if we haven’t talked enough.  A friendship breeds on conversation.  True, deep, authentic conversation.  We love being mates who talk.

And we laugh.  Still we laugh at each other and at ourselves.  We laugh thru the difficult times of pain, hurt, sorrows and screaming wee Babs. We laugh at life when it is hilarious and those times when it’s not so hilarious.  We love being mates who laugh.

P.A. and I are blessed to have (almost) 15 years of marriage under our belts.  Our hobbies and interests (not Pinterests) are also similar.  Since we met, we have truly enjoyed each others company.  We have traveled throughout the US, Europe, and India.  We dream of traveling more.  We love dreaming together.  We love being together.  We both enjoy being outdoors, staying active, keeping fit, eating healthy, reading, drinking coffee, watching the same goofy PBS documentaries, cooking shows, and movies.  And most of all, at the center of our friendship, is our friendship with Jesus.  He’s the foundation of our friendship foundation.

Here we are in 1996 – back in the diz-ay – when our friendship first began.

Is everyday is a sunshine fairytale?  Do we agree on everything?  Do we laugh every second of the day?  No.  But sometimes we do think, this is too good to be true.  Because it is.  There is nothing better than being married to my mate.  Even when it is difficult.  There are so many people, places and things that can divide a marriage.  I believe if a marriage begins with two mates, there is a stronger foundation at the core of that marriage.  Like my Grandparents, my parents and P.A.’s parents, we have chosen humility, selflessness, teach-ability, willingness, trust, respect, hard work, dedication and commitment.

We have chosen to grow… together.

and Blog… together.

P.A. blogs @www.beadude.wordpress.com, BTW.

I am grateful that on in August of 2012 we will celebrate 15 years of marriage.  And I am hopeful that in August of 2062, we will celebrate 65 years!

I love being married to my mate.

Are you Mates in your Marriage?  I hope and pray so.


Yesterday, I lost my mind

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Yesterday was one of those days… You know the ones.  Where your 2-year-old wakes you up at waaaaaay too early o’clock in the morning, screaming, “Ake up Mommy,  AKE UP!” while pulling on your covers. One of my biggest pet peeves is when anyone pulls my covers off of me.  That’s my job.  I don’t need any help with my covers.  Before I could even say, “it’s too early, go back to your bed”, I had a headache to kick off the day.

I was emotionally, mentally and physically drained before I even got out of bed.

I had hit my boiling point.  Frustrations had piled up and were weighing heavily on my shoulders.  My 2-year-old screaming was the thing that sent me over the edge.  You know those things.  The piled up frustrations/worries/fears/anxieties that you hold in/push down/shove under the rug… until something small morphs into something big.  Something simple, that you could normally handle as “no problem”, becomes the biggest deal on the face of the planet…and you lose your mind.

As custom with my emotional roller coaster days, the rest of the day followed suite.  I took out my frustrations on the wee Babs, P.A., the dishes, the dirty laundry, the dinner…. and myself.

I lost my mind.

I ran out of Grace.

Eventually, I put myself to bed.  at 8pm.

But before I gave myself a time out – the dishes, dirty laundry, dinner, P.A. and the wee Bab’s were the brunt of my lack of grace.

I had ZERO patience for P.A. and the wee Babs.  I cleaned the dishes with contempt.  I threw the dirty laundry around.  I wrestled with dinner until… I won.

All of this while I was feeling guilty, and growing more and more angry with myself.

I didn’t really win anything.  I hated the way I was treating my fam, the chores, and the feelings I had toward myself.  But I couldn’t stop the emotional roller coaster of ugly events.

I had lost all sense of reasonableness… and run out of Grace.  

After reflecting, forgiving myself, and asking forgiveness from my family, I could see I needed a break for myself.  Not just a “I need to get away from my kids/out of the house for a few hours” break, but Grace.  I needed Grace… for myself.  2 Corinthians 12:9.

Grace is a Gift from God.

There is no way to manufacture it, conjure it up, or create it within ourselves.  It can only be received from God.  If we don’t accept His Grace for ourselves, we can’t extend it to others.  Only the Grace He gives can overflow from our own hearts, and then be extended to others.

God’s Grace is His patience with us. His forgiveness toward us. His unending love for us.

I am thankful for God’s Gift of Grace, and for those moments when He reminds me how much I need His Grace.  For Myself.  And for others… including my dishes, dirty laundry and dinner.  Amen.

How are you experiencing God’s Grace in your own life?

Perspective

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Perspective – a particular evaluation of a situation or facts, especially from one person’s point of view.

Perspective is the lens thru which we view the world.  It’s how we view what happens to us.  It’s how we view other people and what happens to them.

My prayer is that I will have a Kingdom Perspective for my life and for the lives of others.  My hope is that my perspective will be challenged and motivated by Jesus.  His Kingdom come.  His will be done.  On earth as in Heaven.

It’s something as simple as a shirt.  Salem has a shirt that says, “World’s Best Brother”.  And he is.  It’s my favorite shirt of his.  Recently, we painted the girls bedroom.  I told P.A. “make sure Salem doesn’t paint in my favorite shirt.”  And guess what?  P.A. didn’t change Salem’s shirt before they painted, and he got paint on it.  Aaaaarrrrrrrgh!!!

I was upset.  seriously.  for a few hours, I was ridiculous.  My perspective.

My Kingdom Perspective– I am reminded of those who only have dirty or torn shirts to wear.  Or those who don’t have any shirt at all.  Salem still wears his red “World’s Best Brother” shirt with pride and the green paint on it.  Who cares?!?  He surely doesn’t.  And I don’t either… anymore.

It’s something like those days when momma is sick, helpless and can’t take care of herself or her wee Babs.  This sucks.  I hate my life.  My perspective.

My Kingdom Perspective– I will be well again.  I am blessed to have P.A. and friends who surround me, call, text and check on me.  Offer to go to the store for me.  Help to  take care of me and the wee Babs.  I can lean on the Lord in my weakness and He will give me strength. Matthew 11:28-30.

It’s something like road separation.  Living 1,000 miles my family in Oklahoma & 2,500 miles away from P.A.’s family in Oregon.  This really sucks.  Something huge is missing.  We see our families once or twice a year.  The wee Babs are not growing up around their Grands.  This is wrong.  This can get me really. down. in. the. dumps.  My perspective.

My Kingdom Perspective- We are not alone.  We are financially and physically able to see our families once or twice a year, with Skype internet chats additionally sprinkled on top.  I am overwhelmed by the church family that God has surrounded us with.  He has placed us here for this time, and for His purpose.  Jeremiah 29:11.  God can do great things thru us when we are surrendered to His call on our lives.  No matter where that takes us.  His Kingdom Come. His will be done.

It’s something like almost dying.  When Salem was 3 mos old, he almost died.  He turned blue.  He was barely breathing.  Sometimes I forget this.  I take our little man for granted.  I have never been so scared in my life.  My perspective.

My Kingdom Perspective– P.A. had a “nudge” to check on Salem that night.  If he hadn’t… well, we don’t know.  We trust the Lord.  Our wee Babs are gifts from God.  Our response is to surrender and parent them back to Jesus.  No moments for granted.  God rescued Salem.  He is now a 5-year-old prayer warrior.  If anyone is sick, his response is To Pray.

It’s something like a “Soul Surfer”.  We watched this movie last night.  A lost arm.  A lost dream.  Or the losses we’ve experienced [insert list here… I will, in time…] Any loss can cause hopelessness.  Anger. Despair.  My perspective.

My Kingdom Perspective– Loss can cause Gain.  The “Soul Surfer” realized her purpose of “embracing more people with one arm, than she ever did with two.”  She was able to bring her love of the water and share it with the people of Thailand; removing fear, bringing life back into water, after the water had brought so much death.  Reflecting on loss, I am reminded of what I have.  The breath I take.  The gift of today. The people I can love.  The sight of God movements and Everyday miracles.

What is your perspective?

Xtreme Worship

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I am not a fan of sports… but I AM a fan of yelling.  This seems to be a requirement for watching sports.  Except for golf… maybe?

Even though I like yelling, I can’t think of anything I’d rather NOT be doing than watching sports… unless they are Xtreme.  Like you might die as a result.  Like hiking Mt. Everest or kayaking down the cru-zaziest rapids.  I can engage in watching these stories of survival.  Someone testing their limits.  Like Bear Grylls.  Someone giving their all… risking their lives for what they love.

Since I am not a fan of sports, I have decided to create a new sport that I love.

It’s called Xtreme Worship.

It’s dirty.  It’s messy.  You will get sweaty.  It’s not always pretty.  You might look foolish while doing it.  2 Samuel 6:16.  You will be misunderstood.  You might lose some friends.  It requires risk.  Holding Nothing Back, baby.

Every Sunday, I get to play Xtreme Worship.  

And even during the week, I get to play Xtreme Worship with P.A. and our wee Babs, when we have family dance parties in our living room.  This is seriously my favorite sport.

In this sport, you are asked to risk your life.  Even unto death.  You are called to lose your life for Someone.  Jesus.  (Matthew 10:39).  This is Xtreme Worship.

Unlike basketball, baseball or any other sport (even hiking to Mt. Everest), the end is not a trophy, an accolade, or even a pat on the back. Everyone who participates, everyone who fully gives their lives to Xtreme Worship wins.  You win a relationship with Jesus.  A relationship that results in a New Life, a Changed Heart, True Love, Unexplainable Peace, and Unquenchable Joy.

Xtreme Worship is a difficult sport.  It’s not for the weary, the weak or the faint of heart.  It requires strength, endurance, and patience.  Practice does not make perfect.  You will give your heart and experience brokenness, pain, go thru trials, and share in sufferings.  But count it as JOY b/c the prize is JESUS, baby!  (James 1:2 and Philippians 3:12-16)

And He is worth it.  Jesus is worthy of all my Xtreme Worship.