A Musical Marriage

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Last Saturday P.A. and I had the opportunity to lead worship together for a marriage conference at another church.  To prepare, we prayed and picked out our songs.  We planned the details of our set list and practiced the songs.  Then, we played worship for the marriage conference.

We have a musical marriage.

We love music.  We love listening to music.  We love dancing to music.  We love talking about new music.  We love playing and making music together, but don’t always have an opportunity to do so.  When we do have an opportunity, we love it!  and we think we sound pretty good together… but our musical marriage didn’t just happen overnight…

Making beautiful music takes time.  

If only our marriage would have been as *musical* all along… some of the music we have made has sounded more like a cheesy pop song, rather than a symphony.  Yes people, if you haven’t figured it out by now, this blog is not just about our gifts and good times with music.  I’m writing about more than music here.  You can see the metaphor, right?  If not, I will spell it out for you:

Sex.  Intimacy.  Making Love.  Makin’ Whoopie.

You name it, call it whatever you want.

I’m going to refer to it as makin’ music.  Insert *blushing* here.

uh-oh…  no worries, though.

This is all for God’s Glory.  After all, He is the creator of makin’ music, right? Last I checked, that was the case. (Gen. 2:25)  God designed and desires for our marriages to reflect Him.  He wants all marriages to be playing from the same chord chart, in the same key, makin’ records of beautiful music.  No matter what your view or personal experience is or has been, God wants to Redeem, Restore and Renew makin’ music for everyone.  He knows satan wants to destroy marriages and makin’ music is a prime target on which to launch the attack.  God wants to take back the lies, the darkness, the trash, the comparisons, the injustice, the abuse ~ everything.  He wants to bring the sin into the LIGHT and make ALL things new.

When P.A. and I became friends and started dating, we were open about everything from the beginning.  And… We anticipated that our wedding night music would be wonderful. Award Worthy. Right? 

Wrong.   

We are still learning, growing and figuring out how to make the best music together.  Thankfully, we didn’t scratch makin’ music all together.  After all, the record was and still is only half-written…  And we have our whole lives to practice.  And heck, we have 3 wee babs, so we’re makin’ some music… Right? Yep.  It’s true.  Just like leading worship for the marriage conference, for us to be makin’ the best music, we need to pray, prepare, plan, practice and pick the best times to play music.  Whew. That list sounds like a lot of work.  Yes.  Makin’ beautiful music takes time.  And it’s worth it.

Some days we focus more on the music, some days we are on different pages, and some days we get too busy or tired to make any music at all.

Trusting in God is our foundation.  We trust Him to Conduct the symphony of our lives.  We also trust each other.  We have made musical mistakes.  We know we will mess up again.  But. We. Trust.  It’s been an interesting musical journey.  We have disappointed ourselves and each other. We have blamed ourselves and each other.  We have sinned against God and each other.  We have forgiven.

Our hope and prayer is that wherever you are on your musical journey, you and your mate will allow God to Redeem, Restore and Renew every part of your lives, right down to the music you make. Let Him bring the Darkness into the Light. Replace the Fear with Trust.  And turn the Sorrow into Joy.

…and let your marriages make beautiful music.










Dear Soleil~

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Dear Soleil ~ at this time in your life, most of the world sees you as painfully shy and maybe… maybe even some might see you as weak.  and you are shy, around most people. but, your family ~ we know you are extremely discerning and strong.  it is not easy to live like you do, in between two worlds.  and you are learning.  learning about not being of the world while living on the earth.  it can be painful.  it’s not easy to stand up for what you believe in. even when you are standing in silence.  it’s not easy to let go of expectations that are high and then quickly disappointed.
then, there are some days we worry.  we worry that you might be too much of a follower.  that you are too quiet when you should be more vocal.  that you would rather stay behind the scenes instead of taking your place on the stage to shine.  and even though there might be moments, or even seasons when you do follow… we remember.  we know whose you are.  we trust Jesus to hold you, protect you, strengthen you and carry you.  we know that you are following Him.

and as you grow, it will not become easier.  

sure, there is a part of me that wishes i could tell you it will get easier.  that life will be fair and balanced… and organized.  and clean and tidy.  and all your ducks will be in a row.  and all of your dreams will come true.  and life will become a fairy tale if you believe in yourself.  well… you know i never tell you that.  but isn’t that what all the movies for little girls say?  “just believe in yourself.  just believe.” we’ve watched so many of these movies, some of them hundreds of times.  but you know.  you already know!  life is not a fairy tale.  wishes upon the stars are not true.  penny’s will not bring you luck.  and there is no fairy god mother who comes to your side every time you shed a tear, ready to sparkle you from head to toe and send you to the ball.
you know.
you know you have a daddy, a mommy, a brother and a sister who come to your side and comfort you every time you shed a tear.  who squeeze you with big hugs, smother you with kisses and make you laugh when you are upset.  you know you have a God who is greater than any fairy tale story could ever peg. and He is by your side every moment of everyday.

you know.  
there is a specific code, time of day and special key that will unlock your heart and soul.  and it helps if there is a full moon and if the stars are aligned… not really, but…  😉  once you open up, the wisdom you share, the beauty that you speak, the love that you give is amazing.  it fills us up!  and for those… those very few, who are blessed to be close to you, it fills them up too.  

we don’t want you to conform to this world. and you don’t.  you are living between two worlds ~ beautifully.  with conviction and grace. you see beyond the surface.  already, you know such depth of the Lord.  and you are only seven.  

you bless us Soleil.  we are amazed by who you are.  thank you for being you.  there are no words descriptive enough to say how much we love you.  so we just say it.  over and over and over again.  until you get tired of hearing it.  we love you.
~your fam 🙂

Noted. By Les Babs

I hope You dance

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I noticed it; again...

Not that I’d never noticed before. I am, after all; a people watcher. a student of culture. a keen observer of social science.

I took my daughter to a school father/daughter dance and I noticed:

That, most guys are awkward when it comes to being with their daughters- they either are seemingly distracted from her by a cell phone, disconnected from her by side conversations with other guys in attendance and talking about sports or hunting or some other  b.s. that seems to be more important, or they are all together distant from the situation, not really present at all. Just somewhere else- physically, mentally, -maybe even both

Tonite, I observed all 3 of the above at multiple times with multiple dad’s & their daughters. Distracted Dad’s. Disconnected Dad’s. Distant Dad’s.


Now you are probably thinking-“that’s pretty dang judgemental & who named you the Sigmund Freud of Father’s at dances anyway.”

Not a judgement, an observation- Of Myself….I have been “that dad”. All 3 of them in fact, sometimes all at once. I feel awkward walking into a room of dude’s I don’t know, I make valid reasons in my head to be disconnected, distracted, distant. And it’s so easy to be like this- especially when you sense every guy in the room is just doing the same.. just getting through the evening so he can go home and do something else more important- like watch ESPN or something else to distract him from true beauty.

There is something within us as Men that can cause us to succumb to a feeling of carelessness when a moment, an event, an evening with a child… does not focus on us or on our interests.

We give in to this sin of selfish distraction and our daughters suffer. They lose hope of the love they desperately desire that only a Dad can reflect… a Dad that loves in such a way that He foolishly dances with His daughter.

I noticed that tonite too…  I saw a Dad being a fool of himself…. His moves were definitely more like 1992 than 2012, But he strutted his stuff like no body’s business, and nobody mattered but that one girl he brought with him- his daughter.

No Distraction. No Disconnection. No Distance. Just Dancing.

I noticed I was jealous; jealous of the abandon this Dad possessed, the abandon that all Dad’s possess yet push away. The abandon to ditch everything and everyone else and focus on the one in front of you, the one you came to be with, the reason you are there in the first place. your Child.

And I think about God. I think if He was at a School dance we would not observe Him being distracted, disconnected, or even distant. I think He would be making a complete fool of himself, even embarrassing Himself with the careless, over-the-top love He has for His child. He would dance like no Dad has danced before. He would Dance because that is why He came in the first place. And every child in the room would be waiting in line for Him.

I noticed something tonite. I want to be more like God and less like me. I want to be that Dad that dances with his daughter while other guys just sit and stare.

Then maybe they can blog about the Dad who made a fool of himself, dancing with the one He loves…

noted by: Adam B

the truth is…

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i didn’t know what a blog was until this past summer.  in fact, i didn’t even know they existed.  and now i’m all about blogs.  bloggin’.  lovin’ the blog life.  blah, blah, blah. blog, blog, blog.
it can be hard to write blogs, but i am lovin’ it.  the truth is… i was planning to write a blog with P.A. (in honor of v-day) about having a marvelous marriage; in all areas-friendship, communication, trust, selflessness, respect, intimacy, sex, etc… but i changed my mind.  as usual.  but look for it soon. 
so the truth is… 
i have coffee breath 90% of the time, and if i don’t… i will check to see if I have a fever, because there is probably something wrong with me.  i don’t typically chew gum or suck on mints, so if you talk to me, most likely you will also be talking to my coffee breath.  hope that won’t affect our relationship.
i carry a cup of coffee with me 90% of the places that i go, and if i don’t… it’s because i am on my way to buy a coffee… OR, i might have a fever, because there is something wrong with me.  if it’s the latter, i will probably not go anywhere and just stay at home, where i have access to a coffee maker as soon as i’m feeling better.
i LOVE driving fast.  contrary to what we are taught in drivers ed, i like to drive aggressively, not defensively.  we live in central ohio where most of my life consists of driving up and down a 2 lane road, that turns into a 4 lane road with tons of traffic lights along the way.  the truth is… it takes me longer to get out of town than it does to drive down the highway into downtown.  i love the challenge of getting from my house to the highway as fast as i can, speeding up to coast thru the yellow lights, and weaving in and out of the slower drivers around me.  which are basically all the other drivers. 
i miss driving in new york city.  for the 3+ years we lived there, we were those crazy people who wanted to live like suburbanites in the city; and also keep our car and deal with all of the parking tickets, lack of parking places, and all of the stress that comes with driving in nyc.  i loved the challenge of finding and fighting for parking places, cutting people off and weaving in and out of lanes.  never too fast in the city though, because you can’t drive much over 20 mph due to traffic.  
our house is medium sized (about 1,800 square feet), but i wish it were a little bit smaller. our fam of five loves being together.  with the exception of school and work, we spend most of our time in the same room.  or within a few hundred feet of each other.  i rarely go to the bathroom without the pitter patter of little feet nearby.  and i really don’t mind. wasted space makes me cringe.  
if you come over to visit and my house IS clean, it’s most likely because i transferred the piles of papers and moved the dirt from one part of the house to another.  out of sight, out of mind, ya know?
i wish my fam didn’t have to work or go to school.  i love and long for the days when the wee babs are out of school and P.A. is not working.  i wish we could just be together all the time.  the truth is... i would love that!
i think way.  too.  much.  about.  clothes.  and shoes.  and wish i didn’t.  it takes up to much brain space in my head.
i waver between insecurity and confidence.  shocking.  i know you probably thought i had it all together.  just keep reading my blogs, you’ll see the ‘real me’ 😉
i trust GOD, but i also worry about all of the things i can’t control.  which is a lot of things.
and this is the truth about me.  what are some truths about you? 
with love, happy valentines day.

Baby Love~Our Love Story

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this year we will celebrate 15 years of marital bliss. Wow-zers, 15 years! you must be thinking ~ how old are you??? you guys still look like babies! Well, thank you very much. We still feel like babies, and time flies when you’re married, lemme tell ya.

we were basically babies when we got married.  He 22/Me 20 young years of age… and yes, if you can do the math, or have a calculator handy, we will be turning 37/35 this April/May.  just a heads up for our happy birthday!

I was 18 years old, when I saw Adam for the first time. Working as a CSR (customer service rep. aka – cashier) at Mardel ~ a Christian bookstore in Oklahoma. He strolled into the bookstore in suit ~ totally overdressed and heavily cologned for his interview.  I thought he was mysterious and stared at people a lot.  He was also wearing a leather jacket over his suit, and had a “I’m too cool” walk and look about him, which I thought was funny.  So, the first reaction I had to him was laughter.

I (Adam) was 20 years old, when I saw Leslie for the first time.  I came in to interview at Mardel and saw her at the register.  I thought she was a little snobby, but sweet.  I could tell she was curious about me…  She looked cute in her gray tennis dress, had a beautiful smile, and a laugh that could be heard around Mardel… and the world.  I loved her.

(Leslie again).  Yes, Adam still swears he loved me from the first moment he saw me.  I do know it happened soon after, but love at first sight?  c’mon.  I think he’s just a romantic 😉

Our manager at Mardel, “Tall Paul” (the nickname my friend/co-worker Stephanie and I affectionately gave him, b/c his name was Paul… and he was tall) was so impressed with Adam… and his suit… and his cologne… he hired him on the spot.  little did i know, that hire would change my life… forever.

Within the next week, Adam was managing the music department at Mardel, overseeing the sales of cassette tapes and cd’s (which were the hot new thing), and my friend Stephanie-the other employee of the music department. The 3 of us became a hilarious trio, entertaining the customers, our co-workers and each other, while becoming really good friends along the way.  Adam and Stephanie always made up reasons to come and visit me at the register in between the lines of customers I faithfully served and sold Christian “stuff” to.  And I always found reasons to visit the music department, chat with my friend Steph, and check out Adam, the hot and funny “new guy”.  all this time, my heart was on hold because I was falling for this guy who already had a girlfriend.  ouch.

I had no desire to get in the middle of a relationship, but… it happened.  from the moment we met, we spent a lot of time together as friends (remember the post last week “Marriage as Mates”).  our friendship was our foundation, no doubt.  we laughed together, talked for hours, and just loved hanging out together.  we spent a lot of time with our families too in those first few months of friendship… in fact, they saw our future of falling in love, before we admitted it was happening.  but eventually, it happened…

we started dating a few months later, in April of 1996.  Adam came to one of my choir concerts at the University of Oklahoma.  My family, Steph, and other friends were there too.  Later that night, Steph and I went back to my dorm room and their was a red rose on my door.  I looked at her with the question in my eyes, she shook her head “yes”, and I knew.  I started crying, freaking out with giddy girly excitement, and listened to all of the details from Steph about how Adam has really been in love with me all along, since he had already told her.  then, I called him… thanked him for the rose and we talked for 4 hours.  



Our dating story began ~ we dated for 8 months and were engaged on New Years Eve, 1996.  We spent that whole day together.  It began with breakfast, a scavenger hunt of the memories we shared on campus and at Mardel, and then lunch.  Then he took me to “Opening Night” a big NYE celebration in downtown Oklahoma City.  We went to dinner and then to see the musical “Sound of Music”.  About half way thru, I saw our parents and siblings in the auditorium (and after wondering for a moment why they were stalking us, I got the feeling something was going to happen). Then Adam whisked me away to another part of the celebration.  We went to listen to a concert by Edgar Cruz, an uber talented guitar player. In the middle of the concert, Edgar stopped playing, handed Adam the mic and he proposed to me… in front of 300 people.  After getting over my initial shock and the whirlwind of the evening, I said Yes.   


The evening didn’t end there.  We were then whisked away by golf cart to be interviewed by Fox news.  They did a short story on our engagement, and the way Adam worked it into the Edgar Cruz concert. We were now famous. 

Eight months later, on August 9th, 1997 we were married.

And that is when the work began.  It’s a lot of “work” to plan an engagement like Adam’s proposal, and a lot of “work” to plan a wedding with all of the intricate details. But the real work was just beginning. We have a love story that sometimes feels too good to be true.  But it is true.

It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.  
It’s not always pretty, sometimes it’s ugly.  
It’s not filled with rose petals and champagne, but it is filled with lots of coffee and lots of laughter.  
It’s the biggest investment we’ve ever made, and it’s worth it.