Go to Hell

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I am, what some might refer to as, a hot head. 

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Me, age 11 (bottom right) with my family at Knotts Berry Farm 🙂

My temper flares, my patience unravels, my emotions explode… and sometimes collateral damage is shed on those around me.  I am not a hot head, just for the hell of it. There is always a logical reason stirring beneath emotions which can lead to my eruptions. Sometimes I do fly off the handle for no reason, but most of the time, there is a completely logical reason, underlying the outbursts – I become enraged when it comes to acts of unfair treatment. My anger stems from my desire to see justice.

When I was growing up, I wanted to be a lawyer. Why? There were 3 reasons I was planning to go the law route, which made perfect sense to me: I was good at yelling, I was good at arguing and I had an overarching desire to see justice. In school, I loved studying, talking about, and writing reports on subjects like the Holocaust, racism and abortion. I enjoyed discussing why things in our history were wrong. Unjust. Should. not. have. happened (and should not be currently happening) Yes. I was a fun child to be around.

While ideas of what actually constitutes injustice might vary, even varying levels of injustice, my interpretation is from Micah 6:8 “He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with Your God?” As a kid, and now as an adult, I desire to see justice. I desire to love kindness and to walk humbly with my God. All of these actions are forms of love we have a responsibility to live out as Christians. As a Christ follower, I have a life calling to do justice. 

I never became a lawyer, but I am still responsible for justice.  Growing up, I had no problem bringing the court into the playground and standing up for justice. Kids can be mean! I sensed a calling to be the playground policewoman. I placed myself on the stand as the judge, responsible for pounding the gavel and calling the bullies into order, and sentencing any unfair treatment my ears heard about or my eyes laid hold of… at school, on the playground, and at home.

One afternoon, my brother and I were playing in our front yard, creating sidewalk chalk masterpieces on our driveway. At the time, I was 11 years old and my brother was 9. Two of our neighbors, who were brothers, came over and began to bother us. They started throwing water balloons around our chalk artwork, and I told them to stop it. They did not stop and continued throwing the water balloons, each time nearing closer and closer to us, threatening to hit us with one of their balloons. It may appear as innocent water play, but their actions were not innocent. Unfortunately, we had a like/hate relationship with these brothers. Some days we could play together having a great time, and the next day, they would act like jerks and treat us like crap. Some days they were our best friends and other days they were our worst enemies. I knew that. They did not stop throwing the balloons, even though I had asked them kindly to do so.

So. I. Snapped. 

“GO TO HELL!” 

I yelled at the brothers and they ran home.

My brother and I ran inside to tell our mom what had just happened. Heavy breathing, holding back tears… we cried out to our mom, “It’s not fair! We were just playing, not bothering them. They wouldn’t leave us alone. I told them to go to hell!” Our mom, listened with understanding ears, and gently corrected my overreaction. “Perhaps, next time you come inside and ask me to help you before telling them to go to hell.”

A few moments later, <<<knock, knock, knock>>>. The brothers mother was at our front door. “Did your daughter just tell MY SONS to go to hell?” Yes. My mom calmly replied. She asked their mother, “Did your boys tell you what they were doing to my kids first?” That shut her up. My mom was fully aware of our on again/off again friends/enemies relationship with the brothers. She knew how they sometimes treated us. She was proud of us for standing up for justice on the driveway.

Today I still desire to stand up for justice. It is at the core of my every longing, intertwined with my very being. The injustice in this world is daunting. My heart cries out for all forms of injustice of every form, especially the injustice which takes shape as modern-day slavery and sexual trafficking. Anyone can google statistics on these subjects and become informed. The more information we know, the more we become aware of the level of injustice happening today. The more we are aware, the more we can intercede and pray. The more we intercede and pray, God will show us how and where to respond.

I have asked the Lord, “Why won’t You just eradicate slavery and human trafficking?” You can end it with a miracle. I believe these are the most unjust forms of behavior in our world today. And I believe God is eradicating this injustice, through His people. There are many amazing organizations praying, working and rescuing. One of the most life changing documentaries you can see on this subject is Nefarious: Merchant of Souls. Warning: it is not for the faint of heart and it will change your life.

So I asked the Lord, “Why?” and His answer has come in many ways – through His people. God is asking me, He is asking us, ‘Who and what are we fighting for today? Who and what are we defending today?’ We are all called to do something. I believe it is time we stand up, take notice, become informed and become the everyday justice police in our families, on the playgrounds, in our communities, and in our world. It is time to tell human trafficking to “Go to Hell!” We must respond to the call – As a Christ follower, I have a life calling to do justice.

In Him, Leslie

*You may disagree with my “Go to Hell!” approach for a start to calling out injustice. What’s Yours?

the lost pearl . . .

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Recently, my mom sent me a necklace from The Vintage Pearl with a few special charms… and a pearl. That’s their signature deal. A little pearl comes on each necklace. A few days ago, I lost the pearl. I started to internally freak out like I do. Then I internally prayed like I try and remember to do. And I kept searching. I left the necklace on the kitchen counter, the latch was open, and the other charms were present, so I was certain the pearl had slipped off the chain and was rolling around hiding somewhere on the counter. This counter space, btw, is where I pile things. All sorts of things, the kids school papers, their priceless artwork, random little toys, lip gloss, pencils, important scrap papers, my Bible, my phone, my rings, aaaand… my necklace. After searching and turning over the pile, I started looking on the floor and in the kitchen corners. Yuck. I realized I need to sweep more – and I had just swept the night before! Ah ha! I had just swept! Perhaps the pearl was caught up in the broom pan and thrown away. I searched thru the trash. Yes, I did.

Throughout the search, I was praying and freaking out and praying some more. I was trying not to be frantic about finding the pearl. Nothing good comes from my being frantic. I sensed a peace as I searched thru the trash. I was willing to look through our trash for this pearl. I am not a gal who wears, or owns, a ton of jewelry. I wear the same earrings most days. I have worn the same 2 rings for over 17 years, my wedding ring and a rose spoon ring that belonged to my great aunt. I rarely change up my jewelry. But this pearl, this necklace, had become part of my daily jewelry routine. It had become special to me. And if it was lost, I had to let it go. But God… 

I continued to pray about finding the lost pearl throughout the day. I had searched the counter, the floors, and the trash. God was reminding me not to worry. It is okay if I never find the pearl… One day, I might just randomly find it… If it’s lost forever, it’s really okay… I can buy another pearl… The pearl is not an eternal thing I need to lose my mind over… I was really okay with losing the pearl… But God.

I began picking up and moving around the toys in the living room. Our 4 year old usually asks us to “make a pile” of her toys, otherwise she’s too “overwhelmed” by her self-made messes and throws a fit about cleaning up. How many times do I do the same thing? I become frustrated if I leave a mess for too long. The mess becomes more daunting if I don’t address it right away, and I become overwhelmed. If I leave the dirty dinner dishes to “soak” overnight, they don’t magically clean themselves. They are staring me in the face the next morning. If I put off paying a bill, or calling the insurance company, or finishing a project in a timely manner, it only causes me frantic feelings. I was frustrated with myself about the piles I make, and the procrastination I too easily embrace, turning a simple task into a complicated ordeal… I was frustrated with myself over the random places I choose to put things, like my necklace, leaving space an innocent mess to turn into a lost treasure… But God.

God cares so much. For me. For the innocent messes – turned daunting overwhelming frantic messes – I make. He cares enough to teach me thru great loss and pain I have experienced, and He cares enough to teach me thru losing small, material, non-eternal things… like my lost pearl. As I moved the toys around in the living room, I came across the pearl. It was underneath one of the many dolls that cover our living room floor. An unexpected joy washed over me. My heart swelled with the reminder that anything lost can be found. God cares so much. He cares about everything. He wants us to seek Him for everything. Big or small. Difficult or easy. Important or menial. The details matter to Him. The loss of a small pearl, or the heartache of grief from the loss of a loved one… Whatever our circumstances look like, there is hope. In Him… 

God cares because He loves… He wants me to experience His love. My mom loves me so much, she gave me a special necklace. She expressed her love thru a special gift. God loves me so much, He wants to give me more of Himself. He expressed His love to this world thru the greatest gift, His son Jesus. As I follow God and let Him love me, He teaches me how to love, how to become more like Him. The greatest gift is not that the lost pearl has been found. The greatest gift is trusting God after a loss, seeking Him to find what I truly need, Him teaching me to be more like Him in the process, and the joy of receiving Him as greatest gift. Knowing He is the giver of all joy in the midst of it all, regardless of the outcome, and thanking Him for finding the lost pearl.

Jeremiah 29:12-14a “Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all of your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord…”

Whatever has been stolen, lost or misplaced, can be found. It might not be in the way you expect. But God… 

In Him, Leslie

Finding reasons to {love} Winter

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I have found myself loving winter lately. Sure. It sounds crazy, but I can’t help myself. Adam is a native Californian and I am a native Oklahoman – two places where winter doesn’t last long or come at all, so my {love} of winter is rather comical. We have lived in Ohio and New York City for the past 13 winters, and found ourselves confronted with the bitterness of winter. As every season of cold, wind, snow and ice passes, I have grown to –and I still can’t believe I’m writing this– {love} winter. The first several winters I survived, but I really struggled with seasonal depression. Everything about winter made me angry, sad or numb. I had no joy.

I saw no value in winter.

I realize winter is not an easy season to appreciate, especially when it drags on and on. It can be costly as temperatures plummet, winter elements hit the roads making hazardous driving conditions, heating bills increase, winter clothing is needed, car batteries dying and pipes are freezing and bursting. Or –my personal favorite– it can be costly with the time it takes to bundle up yourself and 3 kids to get out the door, then shoveling your steep-ass driveway, only to find yourself stuck at the top of it, since you have the steepest driveway in your neighborhood. Yet in spite of the difficulties winter can bring, I have prayed for a change of heart and fresh outlook. I have found myself enjoying winter and being the mom who {wishes} for snow days.

Although there are still moments I find myself freaking out (stuck at the top of my steep-ass driveway) and longing for the beach…  I can honestly find reasons to {love} and enjoy winter.

*SNOW – it is beautiful. magical. unique. fluffy. pure and white. You can sled it, ski it, throw it, mold it and make angels in it. we love the outdoors and need to be outside or we go crazy, so we make it a priority to play in the snow and enjoy it.

*ClOTHING – i love boots, jeans, sweaters and coats. we have found many deals on winter clothing and shoes at thrift stores for our whole family… and on snow boots and pants, so we can bundle up and play in the winter elements. You can be fashionable, and warm, all winter long for minimal cost.

*TIME – winter slows the earth down. this is my favorite part about winter. transportation, activities and life in general, slows down… because it has to.  we are a culture that is too busy. life can stand to be a little slower all the time… yes – winter is an inconvenience, but we can learn to embrace it, enjoy it, and even {love} it.

Praying for you to survive, and even thrive, this winter… wherever you are. In Him, Leslie

Our lives revolve around *This Screen*

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I’ve been plagued with the reality that much of my life in twenty-fourteen consists of my staring into the face of a screen. 

There is no reason other than this is a season of life we are in with unlimited access to this screen we look in. 

When this screen is uncovered, the world is discovered, with one swipe, one press, one click of our finger tips.

This screen is sleek glamourous gritty and dangerous, chipping away our precious time and attention from others that need us.

This screen is a fierce competitor with our marriages, children, parents, friendships, fellowship, and any. other. relationships.

This screen is information, greetings and salutations, opinions and prose as the author knows, there is always a story to be told.

This screen is an expression of diction, weaved with some inhibition, promising freedom of speech, words wide open to impeach.  

This screen is a roll of images and artwork, online classes and networks, social and formal, all realms of relationships.

This screen is an open window of human life at its finest and human life at its lowest. Craving attention, visually exposed, at our worst, at our best. 

This screen knows no boundaries or barriers, except the ones set in place by the carriers of. the. screen.

This screen is a magnet for addiction, secrecy and conviction, exposed from behind the perceived safety of the screen.

This screen dances upon our emotions causing laughter, joy, pain and jealousy. excitement, anticipation, anger and insecurity. 

This screen is a mixed bag of the good and the bad. the ugly and the beautiful. images and words, some miserable, some helpful. 

This screen is a choice. what we seek, what we search. the wise and the unwise. what brings joy, what brings hurt. 

This screen is a view of the weak and the strong. The truth and the lies. The noise and the song. 

This screen. Do we recognize its place our lives – in our pockets and purses, in our hands, by our side, at the table, the couch, indoors and outside.

This screen. Do we recognize how much our lives revolve around it – timed by it, board by it, excited, motivated, saddened and shocked by it.

Days, hours, and moments we are faced with choice – will we be a voice? asking – How much of our time, energy, resources and relationships will be poured into a screen? How much our time, energy, resources and relationships will be poured into life giving things? 

We have a choice. We have the option. We have the freedom – to reject our lives revolving around this screen. 

I certainly have a conflicted love/hate relationship with the internet and this screen. What are your thoughts? 

Please. Do. Share. 

In Him, Leslie 

the mom who *wishes* for snow days

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Hey there.

I’m the mom who wished (and prayed) for 1 (or 2 – even better!) more snow days.

Yes. It’s true.

Christmas break went by way too fast and I wasn’t ready for school to begin.

Then, much to my surprise (and happiness!) an Polar Vortex Arctic Blast or something visited us folks here in Ohio 🙂 Yipee! The kids were able to stay home 2 extra days 🙂 On Wednesday, they went back to school.

Weren’t you ready (over joyed, even?) for them to return to school?

Nope. I was still wishing for one -or 2- more…

Just a few days ago we returned from 2000 miles of travel on the open road marked by dirt, asphalt, rocks flying and gritty gas stations lined along the highway, littered with beer billboards and porn shops. Road trips are never dull, when you’re in a race you didn’t know you were in with impatient cars in the next lane over – oh W O W buddy – you can flash your headlights signaling I’m in-your-way because I’m only going 2 miles over the 75 mph speed limit to let me know you can drive 3miles faster than me. You are profoundly talented! I didn’t realize we were racing.

While all that racing was happening around us, we had a sick boy puking the entire 18 hours from Oklahoma to home. He was puking , I was driving, Adam was sermonizing (putting the finishing touches on his sermon while trying to assist our sick son). We pulled in to our driveway at 4am in good shape, safe and sound. Only to return to our dogs little present she left all over our daughters bedroom floor. Sure. We’ll stay up a few more hours to clean that up, shuffle the kids beds around, get them back to sleep and zzzz…. It was interesting.

So yes. we’ve had plenty of family time, but it still wasn’t enough. It never is. On the open road I was struck (again) with the fact that it is never enough (like wishing time would stand still) never enough. We only have a short time with our kids -as kids- parenting, fully engaged in their young lives overwhelming them with our deepest love and listening ears.

Wednesday they went back to school and I didn’t get my *wish* of 1 -or 2- more snow days. Salem was convinced he would be going in to 2nd grade. <no, you have to finish first grade, first :)>. His teacher kept saying “See you next year!” before the Christmas break, so he thought that meant he was moving up to 2nd grade.

Don’t grow up too fast, buddy…

Life goes too fast. There will be others speeding past you, flashing their lights at you, challenging you to go with the faster flow, or get out of the way.

Slow down. Hold the moments. Keep *wishing* for more snow days.

In Him, Leslie

***I recently posted this on my blog http://www.halfwrittenrecords.com The kids have had several more snow days  & school delays since writing this. My *wish* has come true again… and again!