Category: Mom

Dear Soleil~

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Dear Soleil ~ at this time in your life, most of the world sees you as painfully shy and maybe… maybe even some might see you as weak.  and you are shy, around most people. but, your family ~ we know you are extremely discerning and strong.  it is not easy to live like you do, in between two worlds.  and you are learning.  learning about not being of the world while living on the earth.  it can be painful.  it’s not easy to stand up for what you believe in. even when you are standing in silence.  it’s not easy to let go of expectations that are high and then quickly disappointed.
then, there are some days we worry.  we worry that you might be too much of a follower.  that you are too quiet when you should be more vocal.  that you would rather stay behind the scenes instead of taking your place on the stage to shine.  and even though there might be moments, or even seasons when you do follow… we remember.  we know whose you are.  we trust Jesus to hold you, protect you, strengthen you and carry you.  we know that you are following Him.

and as you grow, it will not become easier.  

sure, there is a part of me that wishes i could tell you it will get easier.  that life will be fair and balanced… and organized.  and clean and tidy.  and all your ducks will be in a row.  and all of your dreams will come true.  and life will become a fairy tale if you believe in yourself.  well… you know i never tell you that.  but isn’t that what all the movies for little girls say?  “just believe in yourself.  just believe.” we’ve watched so many of these movies, some of them hundreds of times.  but you know.  you already know!  life is not a fairy tale.  wishes upon the stars are not true.  penny’s will not bring you luck.  and there is no fairy god mother who comes to your side every time you shed a tear, ready to sparkle you from head to toe and send you to the ball.
you know.
you know you have a daddy, a mommy, a brother and a sister who come to your side and comfort you every time you shed a tear.  who squeeze you with big hugs, smother you with kisses and make you laugh when you are upset.  you know you have a God who is greater than any fairy tale story could ever peg. and He is by your side every moment of everyday.

you know.  
there is a specific code, time of day and special key that will unlock your heart and soul.  and it helps if there is a full moon and if the stars are aligned… not really, but…  😉  once you open up, the wisdom you share, the beauty that you speak, the love that you give is amazing.  it fills us up!  and for those… those very few, who are blessed to be close to you, it fills them up too.  

we don’t want you to conform to this world. and you don’t.  you are living between two worlds ~ beautifully.  with conviction and grace. you see beyond the surface.  already, you know such depth of the Lord.  and you are only seven.  

you bless us Soleil.  we are amazed by who you are.  thank you for being you.  there are no words descriptive enough to say how much we love you.  so we just say it.  over and over and over again.  until you get tired of hearing it.  we love you.
~your fam 🙂

Noted. By Les Babs

Yesterday, I lost my mind

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Yesterday was one of those days… You know the ones.  Where your 2-year-old wakes you up at waaaaaay too early o’clock in the morning, screaming, “Ake up Mommy,  AKE UP!” while pulling on your covers. One of my biggest pet peeves is when anyone pulls my covers off of me.  That’s my job.  I don’t need any help with my covers.  Before I could even say, “it’s too early, go back to your bed”, I had a headache to kick off the day.

I was emotionally, mentally and physically drained before I even got out of bed.

I had hit my boiling point.  Frustrations had piled up and were weighing heavily on my shoulders.  My 2-year-old screaming was the thing that sent me over the edge.  You know those things.  The piled up frustrations/worries/fears/anxieties that you hold in/push down/shove under the rug… until something small morphs into something big.  Something simple, that you could normally handle as “no problem”, becomes the biggest deal on the face of the planet…and you lose your mind.
As custom with my emotional roller coaster days, the rest of the day followed suite.  I took out my frustrations on the wee Babs, P.A., the dishes, the dirty laundry, the dinner…. and myself.
I lost my mind.

I ran out of Grace.

Eventually, I put myself to bed.  at 8pm.

But before I gave myself a time out – the dishes, dirty laundry, dinner, P.A. and the wee Bab’s were the brunt of my lack of grace.
I had ZERO patience for P.A. and the wee Babs.  I cleaned the dishes with contempt.  I threw the dirty laundry around.  I wrestled with dinner until… I won.
All of this while I was feeling guilty, and growing more and more angry with myself.
I didn’t really win anything.  I hated the way I was treating my fam, the chores, and the feelings I had toward myself.  But I couldn’t stop the emotional roller coaster of ugly events.
I had lost all sense of reasonableness… and run out of Grace.  
After reflecting, forgiving myself, and asking forgiveness from my family, I could see I needed a break for myself.  Not just a “I need to get away from my kids/out of the house for a few hours” break, but Grace.  I needed Grace… for myself.  2 Corinthians 12:9.

Grace is a Gift from God.

There is no way to manufacture it, conjure it up, or create it within ourselves.  It can only be received from God.  If we don’t accept His Grace for ourselves, we can’t extend it to others.  Only the Grace He gives can overflow from our own hearts, and then be extended to others.

God’s Grace is His patience with us. His forgiveness toward us. His unending love for us.

I am thankful for God’s Gift of Grace, and for those moments when He reminds me how much I need His Grace.  For Myself.  And for others… including my dishes, dirty laundry and dinner.  Amen.
How are you experiencing God’s Grace in your own life?

Noted. By Les Babs

Perspective

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Perspective – a particular evaluation of a situation or facts, especially from one person’s point of view.

Perspective is the lens thru which we view the world.  It’s how we view what happens to us.  It’s how we view other people and what happens to them.
My prayer is that I will have a Kingdom Perspective for my life and for the lives of others.  My hope is that my perspective will be challenged and motivated by Jesus.  His Kingdom come.  His will be done.  On earth as in Heaven.

It’s something as simple as a shirt.  Salem has a shirt that says, “World’s Best Brother”.  And he is.  It’s my favorite shirt of his.  Recently, we painted the girls bedroom.  I told P.A. “make sure Salem doesn’t paint in my favorite shirt.”  And guess what?  P.A. didn’t change Salem’s shirt before they painted, and he got paint on it.  Aaaaarrrrrrrgh!!!
I was upset.  seriously.  for a few hours, I was ridiculous.  My perspective.

My Kingdom Perspective– I am reminded of those who only have dirty or torn shirts to wear.  Or those who don’t have any shirt at all.  Salem still wears his red “World’s Best Brother” shirt with pride and the green paint on it.  Who cares?!?  He surely doesn’t.  And I don’t either… anymore.
It’s something like those days when momma is sick, helpless and can’t take care of herself or her wee Babs.  This sucks.  I hate my life.  My perspective.

My Kingdom Perspective– I will be well again.  I am blessed to have P.A. and friends who surround me, call, text and check on me.  Offer to go to the store for me.  Help to  take care of me and the wee Babs.  I can lean on the Lord in my weakness and He will give me strength. Matthew 11:28-30.
It’s something like road separation.  Living 1,000 miles my family in Oklahoma & 2,500 miles away from P.A.’s family in Oregon.  This really sucks.  Something huge is missing.  We see our families once or twice a year.  The wee Babs are not growing up around their Grands.  This is wrong.  This can get me really. down. in. the. dumps.  My perspective.
My Kingdom Perspective- We are not alone.  We are financially and physically able to see our families once or twice a year, with Skype internet chats additionally sprinkled on top.  I am overwhelmed by the church family that God has surrounded us with.  He has placed us here for this time, and for His purpose.  Jeremiah 29:11.  God can do great things thru us when we are surrendered to His call on our lives.  No matter where that takes us.  His Kingdom Come. His will be done.
It’s something like almost dying.  When Salem was 3 mos old, he almost died.  He turned blue.  He was barely breathing.  Sometimes I forget this.  I take our little man for granted.  I have never been so scared in my life.  My perspective.
My Kingdom Perspective– P.A. had a “nudge” to check on Salem that night.  If he hadn’t… well, we don’t know.  We trust the Lord.  Our wee Babs are gifts from God.  Our response is to surrender and parent them back to Jesus.  No moments for granted.  God rescued Salem.  He is now a 5-year-old prayer warrior.  If anyone is sick, his response is To Pray.
It’s something like a “Soul Surfer”.  We watched this movie last night.  A lost arm.  A lost dream.  Or the losses we’ve experienced [insert list here… I will, in time…] Any loss can cause hopelessness.  Anger. Despair.  My perspective.
My Kingdom Perspective– Loss can cause Gain.  The “Soul Surfer” realized her purpose of “embracing more people with one arm, than she ever did with two.”  She was able to bring her love of the water and share it with the people of Thailand; removing fear, bringing life back into water, after the water had brought so much death.  Reflecting on loss, I am reminded of what I have.  The breath I take.  The gift of today. The people I can love.  The sight of God movements and Everyday miracles.
What is your perspective?

Noted. By Les Babs

embrace the suckiness

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Sometimes life can really suck. And there are levels of suckiness. And we all have varying levels of tolerance for the suckiness that enters our lives.

Embrace the suckiness.

This is an anonymous quote (by one our friends).  Sometimes life sucks for a day or two, or a week, or a month or even years… but there are ways we can embrace it.  And grow from it.
Now we are going to explore 3 levels of suckiness and how to embrace them.

Level 1. an Annoyance.  You have a Ginormous zit on your eyebrow line (at least that’s what I’ve got going on the last few days) or it’s cloudy outside and you’re a sunshine kind of gal (or guy) or you had a terrible day at work/school… or your $4 mocha was accidentally thrown away.

Embracing Level 1. Cover up your zit with tons of make-up.  Or let it shine.  Deal with the clouds. Or don’t live in central Ohio.  Get over the bad day, tomorrow will be better.  Buy another mocha.

Level 2.  A strain.  A health strain.  Your kids are sick, up all night puking, so you are cranky b/c you didn’t get any sleep.  Or you are sick and need to work.  Or you AND your kids are sick (this is a level 2.5)  Or there is a strain on your marriage or a friendship.  Or you are having difficulty with your job.  Or a financial strain.

Embracing Level 2.  This can be tricky – one of my examples below.

Level 3.  A loss.  Personally.  Financially.  Relationally.  A loss of trust.  Or loss of a loved one.

Embracing Level 3.  “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding…” Proverbs 3:5  This is difficult, and is not always easy to do.  Trust in the Lord gives way to surrender and produces an attitude of thankfulness, which leads to an unexplainable peace and joy, despite circumstances.

Then there are those days I just forget the make-up, pull my hair back, put on my stretchy pants and consume large amounts of coffee to get thru and embrace the suckiness.

Today was one of those days.  It was a level 2.  Selah was up all night puking.  Which meant I was up all night cleaning.  She puked every hour.  I slept a little on the floor at the end of her bed in btwn cleanings.  As I laid on the floor, I kept thinking of funny sayings in the book “Stuff Christians Like” by Jonathan Acuff (a must read btw).  I was embracing the suckiness with laughter.  When I was washing the 6 extra loads of puke laundry, I embraced the suckiness, thankful for our washing machine.  Selah slept most of the day.  She had a fever and was worn out from being up all night.  I was thankful for the extra time I had to cuddle with her, and hold her close.
                                                      
 Then she woke up and had a little bit of water.  And went back to sleep on the floor.  Her brother and sister played around her as she laid in the middle of the living room.  I was thankful she was able to rest, even with her sibs running in circles around her.
                                                                                            
Later she moved into the kitchen and had a few bites of cracker.  I was cooking dinner by this time.  She laid down on the kitchen floor to be near me.  I was thankful to be near her.
This morning, she had her 2-year-old check up previously scheduled – coincidence – so we went to see the Dr.  From the moment we entered the office, she was crying the entire time, “I want daaaaadddddyyyyyy!” and raising the suckiness to a level 2.3.  Then I started crying in the Pediatric lobby while the receptionist stared at me from behind the glass with sympathy… or disgust, I couldn’t tell as tears welled up in my own eyes.  Eventually I embraced the suckiness, thankful that Selah wasn’t throwing up anymore…

After we got back home, I let her have some milk.  Bad idea.  How can I deny my baby milk?  A few minutes later, the chunks started flying again.  Salem comments, “It looks like shaving cream!”  Great observation.  I was thinking cottage cheese.  He’s a bright boy.  Meanwhile, Soleil turns queezy and hides to avoid all physical and visual contact.

Thankfully, today I wasn’t sick.  I’ve been there, done that.  Those days when momma PLUS kids are sick, I try to embrace that suckiness level 2.5.  Being sick and taking care of my wee Babs 
is difficult really sucks.  But I can embrace it…eventually.  If I’m sick, I’m thinking Yes!  I’m gonna lose a quick 5 lbs!  and sure it will come back, but for a few days I get to enjoy being 5 lbs lighter.

We’ve had many opportunities to embrace the suckiness.  On all levels.  Annoyances, Strains and Losses.  Of friendships.  Being a laid off of work.  A miscarriage.  And in time I will share those stories and how we embraced them.  And how we have grown.

How will you embrace the suckiness?

lunch box

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I let our wee Babs eat of the floor.  It’s all about the 5-10 second rule.  P.A. is cool with it, especially if I’ve just mopped (which is rare).  But if I haven’t mopped in several weeks months, I lean more toward the 5 seconds.  We don’t have a dog to clean up the mess our floor embraces after the 5-10 seconds.  P.A. usually sweeps up the after dinner crumbs.  And I unusually mop.  Speaking of mopping – which I rarely like to speak of –  if your kids eat oatmeal and half of it lands on the floor like at my house, it’s much easier to clean up if you let it set for a few hours…or even days.  This way it hardens.  MUCH easier to clean.  And that advice was free.

Our fam loves to eat.  However, we don’t care to eat just anything.  we are food snobs.  and coffee snobs.  I’ve mentioned this before in a previous chronicle -“Poop and Panera”.  What we eat is important to us.  We prefer to eat…naturally.  C’mon, shouldn’t ALL food be natural?!?  But it’s not.  We have to read labels.  Carefully.  If our food does have a label, we like to be able to read all of the ingredients.  Sometimes there are exceptions.  Cheeze-its.  They are mostly natural. And addictive.

Then there is the dilemma of the lunch box.  What goes in our 7 year old’s lunch box is important.  Thankfully, our wee Babs have embraced our fam’s natural way of eating.  A peanut butter and honey sandwich, an apple, and a salad or green pepper, with water to drink – this is what Soleil has everyday in her lunch box.  Salem eats his “normal lunch” everyday – a peanut butter and apricot jelly sandwich, lettuce with lemon, and chips n salsa.  Selah normally eats a mix of the above.  It’s not all health food though, they do eat the free donuts at church.  Believe me, we like sugar, chocolate, butter and bread.  Naturally.
So every morning, I pack Soleil’s lunch box with pride.  Knowing she’s a kid who likes eating green pepper.  Now our 2-year-old wants a packed lunch everyday.  Even though she’s not going anywhere.  She wants to go to school so badly like her big sibs.  Waiting to go to school in 3.5 years is going to be difficult for her to reconcile.  But she will have to deal.

We’re proud of our wee Babs for making good food choices on a daily basis, and even at birthday parties.  They have cake boundaries.  And sucker boundaries.

Sooo…. What’s in your lunch box today?

Noted. By Les Babs