Category: Anger

Preach. Push. Stop. Diffuse. Deliver.

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This week as “Mom”… I Preached a sermonette, Pushed 100 lbs for 5 miles, Stopped a wreck from happening, Diffused several bombs and Delivered a baby.
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On Mother’s Day Sunday, I preached a sermonette.  I had the honor of giving the sermon at our church.  This is something I said I would never do.  But guess what I’ve learned?  Never. Say. Never.  I spoke about hearing God.  This is a subject I am passionate about.  It was an exhilarating experience.  You can listen to it online by visiting our church website here.
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This week I stopped myself from getting into a wreck.  I was driving to a conference and the whole time, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something might happen.  I knew God was preparing me to be aware.  I was waiting at a red light, and after it turned green I waited before taking my turn to go.  It’s unusual for me to hesitate at a green light.  I’m typically a very aggressive driver.  As I began to drive, I took a moment and looked to my left, thankfully seeing another vehicle barreling thru their red light and crossing into my lane.  I was able to stop in time before being t-boned.  I didn’t have time to honk and yell at the idiot who almost hit me, but after I felt the anger bubble up inside of me, I was filled with thankfulness.  For God’s protection and preparation. For hearing His voice, with an awareness to heed His warning.  
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This week I pushed two sleeping souls for 5 miles…
After playing at the park with some friends, I pushed Salem (40 lbs) & Selah (30 lbs) in the stroller (30 lbs) on a run / walk for 5 miles on one of my favorite trails.  It was a beautiful day and a peaceful time.  I got a work out.  They got a nap.  Good Times.

 ***

This week I diffused several bombs…

Wee bab bombs.  This was a difficult week.  Emotions were high.  We went to bed late every night.  We were away from home four nights this week and P.A. was gone an additional night. We were all out of sorts.  Our family functions best when we have a lot of quality time together.  Quality time is our family love language.  

Warning: Minimal fam time + tired / busy Babs = kid bombs and explosions may will occur

Thankfully, I am good at diffusing bombs.  I’ve been a mom now for 8 years.  I’ve had a temper for 35 years.  I have gifted that wonderful trait to my children.  I’ve surrendered my temper to God over the years and learned a lot from my mistakes.  God has helped me to diffuse the bombs our wee babs can make.  He really helps me to see situations with their behavior before they explode everywhere.

There are times when they do explode.  Thankfully, we are good at practicing forgiveness in our family.  and, on those days when bombs are going off all around me and I just can’t get to them in time to diffuse, I always feel better after I clean my sink.

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This week I delivered a baby…                                                                        
                                                                                                  

Adah Joy Droz
Well, not really.  My friends, the Droz’s, had their baby and I was honored to be their doula as they welcomed Adah Joy Droz into the world.  Labor began at 1:30am, so I stayed up all night as a support and encouragement to Natalie as she labored to bring Adah into the world at 6:25am.  Since I love sleep, I’ve been taking lots of short naps the past few days to recover from staying up all night, in between diffusing bombs and being Mom.  I’m not 21 anymore. I need my sleep.  
Snoozing doula 🙂

The word “doula” comes from the ancient Greek meaning “a woman who serves” who provides physical, emotional and informational support to the mother / family before, during and just after birth; or who provides emotional and practical support during the postpartum period.

In 2006, I took my doula training courses and have attended 6 births as a doula over the past 5 years.  Since I took time off to have my own wee babs, I am not certified with a doula organization… yet.  It’s kind of like I went to school and did all of the work to graduate, but don’t have my diploma.  This is due to my special skill of procrastination… and “some day” I’ll finish that.  My passion stems from my own intensive birth research and personal birth experiences.  I’ve had three wee babs with no medicine and have a passion to support and encourage women who desire a natural labor experience.  

***

It was a very busy week as “Mom”…  Even though I procrastinate some things, I am not procrastinating anymore on other things…

Like this blog.  I’ve had a passion to write for a long time.  And now I am.

What are you passionate about?  Are you procrastinating your passions?

Don’t live in regret or the “some day”.  Just do something.

Clean Your Sink

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The past few weeks, I have basically been in a bad mood.
…

Seriously.  Probably 75% of the time I have been a ball of negative energy.

It’s like I’ve been P-M-S-ing. all. month. long.

Sure, I’ve had “good days”. but I have also been very negative. and this is not normal for me.

I can pinpoint some of the reasons I have been edgy. tense. frustrated. but…

I. don’t. like. feeling. this. way.
…

Sure, we all have “those days” where we might feel like we are losing our minds, or want to shout out some explicative.

But the truth is, I need a new cuss word.  I’m tired of the standards.

I need to clean my mouth out with soap.  Seriously.
…

My new word will be “Blast”.  

It sounds less angry, but yet can be said with enough emotion to fully express my feelings.

For those of you who read this blog and interact with me enough to hear my speak, and occasionally often drop a cuss word, please keep me accountable to say only “Blast”.  Thank you.
…

I also need to clean my sink.  It is grimy.

I feel better when my sink is clean.
…

I also need to give up trying to control things.
Relax.  Live in the mess for a bit.  It can be cleaned up later…

Control, or rather what I can’t control, is the root of my angry negative energy.
…

I can’t control what happens in the world. accidents. mistakes. or other peoples’ anger. actions. annoyances. accolades.

I can’t control my kids.  If they freak out and throw a fit on the floor, screaming and crying and yelling. I can’t do much to quiet them down before the neighbors hear and wonder, “What’s going on at that house?”  But I can close the windows, wait for them to calm down, and spare the neighbors.

At least I can control my sink and its cleanliness…

So much of this world is out of control.
God is in control.  So why do I fret?

I have trust issues.  I am human…
and sometimes I just need a break from my own humanity… 
…
As much as I would love to write only happy, positive energy blogs…
That’s just not my reality.
…

I need to be honest.
This has been a hell of a month for me and my attitude.
Seriously, I wondered a few times if I was losing it.
…

Yet I know, when I am in a place of “negative energy”, God is working in me. molding me. refining me.  Proverbs 3:1-8.
It comes back to trust.  
I choose to trust God.  Even if I have to surrender over. and over. and over again. 
And I might as well clean my sink while I’m working on surrendering.
…

Is your sink clean?

How is your attitude?

What or Who are you trusting in these days?

Marriage as Mirror

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One word we would use to describe our marriage
…

Fireworks


That’s right.  Fireworks, baby.  
Beautiful.  Colorful.  Sparkly.  Fantastic.  Brilliant.  Bold.  Shocking.
and Eye Opening.
and Loud.
And Explosive.
…
Now when we say “explosive”, that may conjure up images of battles and warfare.  Or two people engaging in physical combat on an explosive level.  But for us, it’s been explosive verbally.  Mostly because of the ugliness that can come out of our mouths.
P.A. is not a yeller by nature, but Les is.  P.A. still gets angry; he just lets it rage beneath the surface until it sometimes does boil over.  P.A. is generally not as easily angered as Les is.  And until we met and were married, we never realized we both had so many reasons to yell and be angry.
Now you might be thinking, “Dang peeps, get a hold of yourselves, you shouldn’t be so angry and yelling all the time.  You need to check Yo-Self!”

And this is true.
And we have.
And we still do.

In the beginning of our relationship as Mates, one thing we realized is that our relationship was like a Mirror.  When you look into a mirror, you see your reflection. You see everything physical… the wrinkles, the dark circles, the pasty skin, the silver gray hairs, the messy hair ( or lack of it ), the root color, the ginormous zits, the flab, the yellow teeth…  And then you fix yourself up and you see the “better you”… after using hair growth or hair coloring products,  putting on make-up or brushing your messy hair, or your teeth, or your… whatever else you brush.  And hopefully, you don’t break brushes, like Les has done. Or break hangers in half, like P.A. has done…

Our Marriage is like a Mirror.

When arguing with each other, it is like looking in a Mirror.  What we are seeing is reflecting back.  It can be ugly.  Mirrors don’t lie.

In the beginning of our relationship, this mirror/reflection made me (Les) even more angry and gave me more reasons to yell.  After one of our arguments while we were still dating, I left.  I ran out of P.A.’s parents house, around the block, and down the street.  This was a rare event.  I usually stay in an argument.  I confront, yell, and want a resolution.  Eventually he found me and we talked calmly, resolving the situation.

When I (P.A.) am arguing with Les, it is like looking in a Mirror. She is seeing everything – spoken and unspoken, every grunt, every mumble, every snide remark, every roll of the eye, or flinch of the shoulder.
Eight years ago, this made me so angry that I once took a hot dog she was eating out of her hands and smashed it up and threw it in the trash beside her. I didn’t want her eating a piece of manufactured, mystery meat known as a “hot dog”.  At the time, she was pregnant with our first child.  Yes, I truly overreacted, because of a lack of control. Not something good to do to a hungry, pregnant woman. I’ve been a idiot – oh I’ve been one alright.

Both of our parents had concerns for us when they witnessed how explosively we could argue.  However, they trusted God and were always supportive, knowing we would hopefully grow thru this part of Marriage.

And we still argue.  And we have matured in our arguments.  It takes longer before I (Les) yell and become verbally explosive.  It takes longer before I (P.A.) wait til my breaking point to expose my feelings. There are times when we both  feel like we want to run away, but we don’t.
 More than running, we want resolution.  We want to grow.  We want to be able to reflect each other.

You can never fully escape your reflection.  It’s who you are.

And we are thankful, that from the beginning of our relationship, we were honest in our reflections of each other.  We challenged each other.  We committed to love .  We reflected the truth when we were being ridiculous.

We are both still very imperfect.  Shocker.  We have our own issues.  And we both challenge each other as we reflect each other thru our marriage.  

Mostly, our hope and prayer is to reflect Christ.
We were created in God’s image (Genesis 1:26).  We desire to continue being transformed into His image (2 Corinthians 3:18).

We will always reflect each other in our Marriage as Mirror.  We still have Fireworks in our Marriage.  Our prayer to fight less explosively and to love more completely.  On that note, we will share more of our story next week in “Marriage as Marvelous”.


Noted. By Les & P.A. Babs (Part 2 of 4 Marriage/Relationship Records) 

Yesterday, I lost my mind

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Yesterday was one of those days… You know the ones.  Where your 2-year-old wakes you up at waaaaaay too early o’clock in the morning, screaming, “Ake up Mommy,  AKE UP!” while pulling on your covers. One of my biggest pet peeves is when anyone pulls my covers off of me.  That’s my job.  I don’t need any help with my covers.  Before I could even say, “it’s too early, go back to your bed”, I had a headache to kick off the day.

I was emotionally, mentally and physically drained before I even got out of bed.

I had hit my boiling point.  Frustrations had piled up and were weighing heavily on my shoulders.  My 2-year-old screaming was the thing that sent me over the edge.  You know those things.  The piled up frustrations/worries/fears/anxieties that you hold in/push down/shove under the rug… until something small morphs into something big.  Something simple, that you could normally handle as “no problem”, becomes the biggest deal on the face of the planet…and you lose your mind.
As custom with my emotional roller coaster days, the rest of the day followed suite.  I took out my frustrations on the wee Babs, P.A., the dishes, the dirty laundry, the dinner…. and myself.
I lost my mind.

I ran out of Grace.

Eventually, I put myself to bed.  at 8pm.

But before I gave myself a time out – the dishes, dirty laundry, dinner, P.A. and the wee Bab’s were the brunt of my lack of grace.
I had ZERO patience for P.A. and the wee Babs.  I cleaned the dishes with contempt.  I threw the dirty laundry around.  I wrestled with dinner until… I won.
All of this while I was feeling guilty, and growing more and more angry with myself.
I didn’t really win anything.  I hated the way I was treating my fam, the chores, and the feelings I had toward myself.  But I couldn’t stop the emotional roller coaster of ugly events.
I had lost all sense of reasonableness… and run out of Grace.  
After reflecting, forgiving myself, and asking forgiveness from my family, I could see I needed a break for myself.  Not just a “I need to get away from my kids/out of the house for a few hours” break, but Grace.  I needed Grace… for myself.  2 Corinthians 12:9.

Grace is a Gift from God.

There is no way to manufacture it, conjure it up, or create it within ourselves.  It can only be received from God.  If we don’t accept His Grace for ourselves, we can’t extend it to others.  Only the Grace He gives can overflow from our own hearts, and then be extended to others.

God’s Grace is His patience with us. His forgiveness toward us. His unending love for us.

I am thankful for God’s Gift of Grace, and for those moments when He reminds me how much I need His Grace.  For Myself.  And for others… including my dishes, dirty laundry and dinner.  Amen.
How are you experiencing God’s Grace in your own life?

Noted. By Les Babs

Perspective

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Perspective – a particular evaluation of a situation or facts, especially from one person’s point of view.

Perspective is the lens thru which we view the world.  It’s how we view what happens to us.  It’s how we view other people and what happens to them.
My prayer is that I will have a Kingdom Perspective for my life and for the lives of others.  My hope is that my perspective will be challenged and motivated by Jesus.  His Kingdom come.  His will be done.  On earth as in Heaven.

It’s something as simple as a shirt.  Salem has a shirt that says, “World’s Best Brother”.  And he is.  It’s my favorite shirt of his.  Recently, we painted the girls bedroom.  I told P.A. “make sure Salem doesn’t paint in my favorite shirt.”  And guess what?  P.A. didn’t change Salem’s shirt before they painted, and he got paint on it.  Aaaaarrrrrrrgh!!!
I was upset.  seriously.  for a few hours, I was ridiculous.  My perspective.

My Kingdom Perspective– I am reminded of those who only have dirty or torn shirts to wear.  Or those who don’t have any shirt at all.  Salem still wears his red “World’s Best Brother” shirt with pride and the green paint on it.  Who cares?!?  He surely doesn’t.  And I don’t either… anymore.
It’s something like those days when momma is sick, helpless and can’t take care of herself or her wee Babs.  This sucks.  I hate my life.  My perspective.

My Kingdom Perspective– I will be well again.  I am blessed to have P.A. and friends who surround me, call, text and check on me.  Offer to go to the store for me.  Help to  take care of me and the wee Babs.  I can lean on the Lord in my weakness and He will give me strength. Matthew 11:28-30.
It’s something like road separation.  Living 1,000 miles my family in Oklahoma & 2,500 miles away from P.A.’s family in Oregon.  This really sucks.  Something huge is missing.  We see our families once or twice a year.  The wee Babs are not growing up around their Grands.  This is wrong.  This can get me really. down. in. the. dumps.  My perspective.
My Kingdom Perspective- We are not alone.  We are financially and physically able to see our families once or twice a year, with Skype internet chats additionally sprinkled on top.  I am overwhelmed by the church family that God has surrounded us with.  He has placed us here for this time, and for His purpose.  Jeremiah 29:11.  God can do great things thru us when we are surrendered to His call on our lives.  No matter where that takes us.  His Kingdom Come. His will be done.
It’s something like almost dying.  When Salem was 3 mos old, he almost died.  He turned blue.  He was barely breathing.  Sometimes I forget this.  I take our little man for granted.  I have never been so scared in my life.  My perspective.
My Kingdom Perspective– P.A. had a “nudge” to check on Salem that night.  If he hadn’t… well, we don’t know.  We trust the Lord.  Our wee Babs are gifts from God.  Our response is to surrender and parent them back to Jesus.  No moments for granted.  God rescued Salem.  He is now a 5-year-old prayer warrior.  If anyone is sick, his response is To Pray.
It’s something like a “Soul Surfer”.  We watched this movie last night.  A lost arm.  A lost dream.  Or the losses we’ve experienced [insert list here… I will, in time…] Any loss can cause hopelessness.  Anger. Despair.  My perspective.
My Kingdom Perspective– Loss can cause Gain.  The “Soul Surfer” realized her purpose of “embracing more people with one arm, than she ever did with two.”  She was able to bring her love of the water and share it with the people of Thailand; removing fear, bringing life back into water, after the water had brought so much death.  Reflecting on loss, I am reminded of what I have.  The breath I take.  The gift of today. The people I can love.  The sight of God movements and Everyday miracles.
What is your perspective?

Noted. By Les Babs