hey there…
i’m the mom who yells in the morning.
you know, the one who gets worked up from the second she wakes up if her kids get up one. second. too. early.
for the past three weeks, since school has started, this mom has had her fair share of yelling.
and so it goes.
you see…
soleil started the third grade and salem started kindergarten and selah started getting on my nerves.
soleil started dreading school.
salem started moving at a turtle’s pace.
selah started waking up at 5:30am and turning all the lights on.
and i became the mom who yells in the morning.
…
soleil has had a tough time starting off this school year.
she misses home. she cries before school. she stomps her feet. she refuses to get dressed. she declares she ‘will not go to school today’.
then mom starts yelling.
get dressed! get it together! you’re gonna have to be home-schooled! we’re gonna be late! i’m gonna have to sign you in!
…
salem has also had a tough time starting school.
he doesn’t want to stop playing legos. he throws a fit before getting dressed. he finally gets ready at a turtle’s pace.
then mom starts yelling.
go ahead and throw your little fit! once you’re over it, let me know! hurry up! get your shoes on! we gotta go!
…
selah has become the kid who wakes up at 5:30am in the morning.
are you kidding me?!? so not cool.
she wakes up. she turns on the lights. she starts to play. she wakes up her siblings.
then mom starts yelling.
go back to bed! you can’t have the light on! shhh! stop crying! shut it!
…
lunch packed. folders signed. shoelaces tied. backpacks zipped.
they are finally ready to go out the door.
we drive to school.
goodbye kids! have a great day! sorry… mommy… just yelled at you two seconds ago about turning on lights and moving at turtle speed and not wanting to go to school because you miss me when you are there…
the van door closes on my last whisper of sorry…
…
between clenched teeth i express raw emotion.
with a gulp of hot air i yell out orders.
with a flick of the light on too early, i spew.
with the hint of an unbalanced morning, i ignite a fire squad of words toward my children.
…
so why have i become the mom who yells in the morning?
because yelling is one thing i can do.
this mom has had a tough time starting school.
she misses her kids. she wishes they didn’t have to grow up. she wants to erase their 2.5, 6 and 8 year old problems.
but…
i can’t stop them from growing up. i can’t experience life for them. i can’t make all their decisions for them. i can’t erase all of their problems. i can’t control the ‘body clock’ of a 2.5 year old who wakes up and turns the light on. at way-too-early in the morning.
but i can yell. i can yell. and for that single moment i feel better. i can feel like my yelling is helping to progress things along.
…
the mom who yells in the mornings quickly crumbles into shame.
regret grasps at her throat and chokes future lashes.
humanity reminds her tomorrow is a new day.
humility quiets her voice.
the kindness of God shows her forgiveness.
this forgiveness. this grace. this love… covers a multitude of sins.
and reminds me…
let go.
talk with them. help process their feelings. guide their decisions. listen well. be patient. continuously pray over them. don’t worry about being late.
and…
i don’t have to be the mom who yells in the morning.
Half Written Records 
This is awesome. I so feel your pain. I get up at 5:00 a.m. to get everyone to work and school and find myself yelling A.LOT! I also am a mom that yells at night because I've been awake and doing things for about 16 hours straight. Thank you for your special way of putting the way I feel (and I'm sure others) into words so I can relate and laugh (instead of yell).-Amanda Swank (soon-to-be Fidler)
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